Arson Welles, famous actor and pyromaniac

Posted under Episode 226, Story On By Chief

You are Arson Welles, famous actor and pyromaniac. You have a great idea for a spooky radio show. On Halloween night, you begin broadcasting pretend reports of people spontaneously combusting all over the United States. You even have a few people "call in" to the show to share the terrifying things they've witnessed. To your surprise, many listeners believe the reports to be true! Chaos grips the nation as people panic and attempt to do whatever they can think of to save themselves from bursting into flames. But the show must go on! You open up the phones for real and begin taking calls from terrified citizens. 

As the nights turn darker, you find yourself trapped in an abandoned house with no way out. Your only hope is to call it a day and wait for dawn...

> You your hear a frantic knocking at the door. "Let me in," somebody screams.
The knocking continues. It's the voice of a woman who claims she wants to come inside. She seems very scared, but desperate. "Come on!" she says, trying to get through the door.

> You ask her how she feels about arson.
"I feel the same way about it as you do," she says.
Before you can answer, she begins to ramble about her life and how surreal it all feels.
You decide to let her in and you see she has two large gasoline containers. You think you might be falling in love.
"Can I come in?" she asks.
"Sure!" you say.
She comes inside and puts down the gas containers. Then she gives a bit of background about herself.
She tells you her name is Amanda July and she's a recovering pyromaniac. She seems oddly fascinated by you and your work.
Amanda shows you her rehab graduation certificate, and you burn it. 
"I think pyromania is a lot more fun than arson," she explains. 
Before you can stop her, she takes out a box of matches and lights the curtains on fire.

> You light a candle on fire and drip the wax all over you chest and nipples. You wink at smile.
"You're a fun girl," Amanda says.
She looks at you and seems to be judging your physical appearance in her mind. "You need to let yourself go,"
You see she has brought two 5 tubs of ice cream. You know what that means: she's a feeder.
"Let's get started," she says.
She opens up the first tub of ice cream and begins to scoop it into your mouth.
After the 100th bite, you couldn't possibly eat any more ice cream. However she continues to shovel it in you mouth seductively.
"It's good, right? I want you get get fat."
You're starting to feel bloated, but Amanda does not seem to care.
You level up and gain the following ice cream eating related powers:
Diabetic, lactose Intolerance, Dairy Fatigue
She opens up the second tub of ice cream: butter pecan. She continues to shove it into your mouth. Your stomach is distending at this point.

> You feel a tremendous rumbling in your stomach.
You need to shit.
"I have to go," you say.
But Amanda is not moving an inch. She just smiles at you and shoves more ice cream into your mouth.
You shove her away and knock over all the gasoline. You then search the cabinets in the bathroom and find your Insulin.
"You're not my boyfriend, are you?" she asks.
You ignore her and pop open the vial and inject a large amount of insulin. You then begin filling up a large syringe.
The fire spreads to the upper floors. This excites you.  The flames give off a warmth that you have not felt in a long time. You can feel the hair on your chest begin to singe and tear off from the heat.
"Let's fuck," Amanda suggests.

> You fuck her good.
You walk into the flames and let the fire consume you. Perhaps you will meet your end here, or perhaps you will rise from the ashes like a god.
You are Dead by Dawn.
The moral of the story: Don't fuck with Insulin.