Evil Tony, convinced himself he’s a werewolf after a dog bit him

Posted under Episode 224, Story On By Chief

You are Evil Tony. Having a critical misunderstanding of how werewolves work, you are convinced that you have become a werewolf after being bitten by your neighbor's dog. You have decided to attend a convention for werewolves in order to learn more about how to live with your new affliction. You arrive at the convention center and step inside. There are hundreds of werewolves, some in human form, some in wolf form. Eager to learn, you walk up to the nearest booth, where they are giving a presentation on how to be a werewolf.

"Hello there," says one of the men behind the desk.

> You lift your leg and pee on the man to show domination.
"Hi," you say. "I'm here to learn."

The man looks confused. He doesn't know what you mean.
You get down on the ground and sniff the man's butt. He doesn't seem to like that. The other man behind the desk has left. You wonder where he went.

> You register and get a swag bag. The bag is filled with the following werewolf-related items:.
A fixed blade knife from Gator-O-Rama!
A ball gag from S and M Sales!
An always-reliable can of Glade plug-in's!
A dog leash for you canine overlords!
Suddenly you hear alarms going off and people starting to run away. You ask what is going on and one of the guards fleeing tells you, "Jim Van Helsing, Abraham Van Helsing's brother who hunts werewolfs so he can obtain kombucha from their bodies is here!"
You think to yourself, "Jim Van Helsing is here to kill werewolves? Oh no! I'd better hide!"
You hide behind a small planter, Jim Van Helsing finds you easily.
"Ah ha!" he yells, "I see one! Say your prayers, werewolf!"
You have a silver bullet in your gun. Do you:

1. Shoot the bastard? 2. He's a hunter, you're a werewolf, you need to kill him
You shoot Jim in the head, killing him instantly. Unfortunately, he is not the only one hunting werewolves here.

> You let out a battle howl, and the other werewolves join you.
You and the other werewolves quickly dispatch the hunters. After all is said and done, you notice a weird device in the corner of the room.
You see a Reindrob brand Werewolf Detector and for fun decide to scan over your body and it doesn't beep. You think it is broken, but it is beeping for all the real werewolves. The werewolves turn on you and think you are a spy.
You try to say you are a spy, but are unable to speak. You are mauled to death by the angry werewolves.

> You your body is thrown in the alley behind the hotel. The moonlight hits your body, and you slowly transform into a real werewolf.
The guards find your body and call the police. The newspapers write that werewolf hunters found a "mysterious body."
You run outside and howl at the moon. You are a real werewolf.

> You head back to the convention with revenge on your mind.
The next day, you head back to the werewolf convention. You decide that the best way to get revenge is to kill every werewolf you see.
You head back to the convention center, but the werewolf conference has ended. However the fury convention is in full swing. You don't know the difference and start killing furries.
Soon you find yourself surrounded by angry furries. You react the only way a werewolf can. You cry.
The furries take pity on you. They pet you.  They give you candy. You like it here.
You decide that this is your new home, and become a furry.
The moral of story: Furry's are nice.
You have died by being pounced on by an overweight, hyperactive cartoon character.