John Badman, a terrorist deeply involved with EYESYS

Posted under Episode 223, Story On By Chief

You are John Badman, a terrorist deeply involved with EYESYS. You are making a standard execution video that's just about to get to your favorite part: the beheading! You swing your saber as hard as you can and get a clean kill... or so you think! To your horror, the headless body rises from the chair and tackles your friend Sergio Kidpunch! The camera keeps rolling and then cuts away to reveal that this is no ordinary execution. This is an act of revenge by the Eyes!

The next day, you are taken into custody and brought before the judge who sentences you to death for terrorism.
While being taken to prison, the prison truck overturns and you escape into the mountains. 

> You encounter a group of previously escaped prisoners with long beards.
You run and hide in a cave. Eventually, your pursuers pass and you continue to walk through the deserted mountains.
You encounter Reindrobs veiny, all seeing eyes, they want to take you their leader Jim Christ, prophet and Leader of the Church of the Later day Jims. He has many demands he wishes to be met, of which you cannot comply.
The Jims have the following demands: 
You must get a tattoo of the holy name "Jim" on your groin or else you will be killed. 
You must make a sacrifice to the Church of the Later day Jims. 
You must get a tattoo on your other cheek of the holy number of the beast: 6.
You ask Jim Christ, "What kind of sacrifice?"
He says, "A goat will do."

> You go shopping for a goat.
You go to the goat store and buy a male goat.

> You roll animal handling to gently kill the goat.
Your animal handling roll was a success. 
The goat is dead. You take the goat into the mountains and make camp out of sight. You skin the goat, taking care to remove all the fur.
You show Jim Christ your sacrifice. Jim Christ asks, "Where's all it's skin?"
You show Jim Christ the goat skin.
Jim Christ is pleased. He gives you a jet black rock... Or is it an optical disc?
You pop the disc into your PS1 and the disc appears to be a laserdisc of "Sister Act 2".
The movie is pretty good.
You stay in the mountains and live off the land. You are sad that you had to kill the goat, but it was for the enjoyment of a movie.

> You reminisce about your favorite scene.
Remember this?
You reminisce about your favorite scene in the movie. You start to watch the movie again... Over and over again. You watch Sister act 2 every day. Every day without fail.

> You start your own religion, the Church of Latter Day Sister Act 2's.
You start your own religion: the Church of Latter Day Sister Act 2's. Your religion is pretty big, with a following of several million people. You, as the "Prophet of the Church"
Jim Christ bursts into the middle of one of your daily witching's of Sister Act 2 and yells, "FALSE PROPHET!"
Shocked and surprised, you ask, "What?"
He says, "Sister Act 2 is the worst movie ever made! Its just a bunch of singing and dancing holy rollers in a church!"
Whoopi Goldberg stands up from the front row and socks Jim Christ right in the mouth and then her and the choir break into song and dance to "We are family".
Jim Christ and all the other non-believers are smited by the power of song... The end.
Jim Christ trips and pulls down you pants. Everyone can see the tattoo of Jim Christ tattood on your groin, taint, and another on your cheek.
THE END

The Goat
The moral of the story: Goats are wise creatures.