Frank Blaze, on the quest for weed

Posted under Episode 221, Story On By Chief

You are Frank Blaze, you can only smoke weed at 4:20. One day you are running out of weed so you you decide to meet your dealer Ben Beans, a drug dealer who is addicted to Baked Beans. You get there and he has no more weed. He tells you that his supplier is on the run, but if you want to buy some then you have to go back to him.
You go to warehouse in the middle of nowhere, you see a Chimera Corp's Permabong in a dimly lit room, you walk in and see the Mothman. It looks like it wants to eat you. You try to fight it off with your lighter, but its claws are sharp enough and bites hurt.

> You conjure up a mighty hit from the permabong and pacify the Mothman with a blast of the stickiest icky.
You conjure up a mighty hit from the permabong and pacify the Mothman with a blast of the stickiest icky. It seems to defeat. You take off it's head with your lighter.
Suddenly you hear a loud noise and discover that 500 pounds of weed just fell out of Jim's delivery truck.  You think that you might be able to take it to your dealer Ben so you could buy more weed with it.
You realize that there is no way you can move all this weed without someone discovering the dead Mothman. You decide to light it on fire and get high as fuck.
Best. Idea. Ever. You have the best weed you've ever had.
You walk out of the warehouse and are accosted by the police and a bunch of press all pointing cameras in your face.
You lie to the press and the police and tell them that a crazed Mothman attacked you and blew his own head off and then gave you all that weed for free.
They do not believe you and you get charged with Mothman smuggling.
You spend the rest of your life in jail, where they have really good weed.You get the nickname "The Great Weedini" and get a prison tattoo of it.
You die in jail 10 years later.
You flashback to the night in the warehouse, you remember that the Mothman said something to you before he died:
"You must pursue the evil wizard Merknight. Only he knows where the ancient book of demons is located. You must kill him before Neroth takes over your soul".
You awaken in a dark dank room and Neroth has taken over your soul. You are informed that you have been asleep for 20 years while Merknight has sent teams of adventurers to try and kill him. None have succeeded.
You confront Merknight in a smokey field. He tells you the only way to get your soul back is to kill him.

> You challenge Merknight to a dank-off for your soul.
You challenge Merknight to a dank-off for your soul. He laughs this off at first, but you convince him that the only way to decide who has the best weed is with a dank-off.
The dank-off consists of three weed related events:
1: Nug-eating: The fastest nug eater wins.
2: Joint rolling: The fastest joint roller wins.
3: Smoke-off: The person who holds out the longest wins.
You win round 1, but that was a mistake because it round 2 you forget even what a joint is. It all comes down to the smoke-off, you grab a giant blunt and start to toke away. Merknight lights his pipe and in less than a minute he is completely stoned.
A scream is heard far off into the distance. Neroth is here, and he has come to take your soul.

> You toke and toke until your have consumed the entire joint in one massive toke and release it into Neroths face.
Neroth appears and a smoky sword fight breaks out. You are doing very well against Neroth's weed-based attacks with your own toked abilities.
Neroth grows angrier and angrier and begins to experience heartburn. This leads to an "epic hickey outbreak" all over his body. He screams in pain and teleports away.
You stand over Merknight and smoke your soul out of his body. You run back to the warehouse and begin to step into the glowing green portal.
Neroth appears and you are forced to step through before you can smoke him out.
He is now in control of your soul and he's not giving it back.
The jokes on him, that is actually the soul of a Dorito. Your soul is in a joint in your pocket.
You arrive in a place that is not here.
The moral of the story: You can't trust demons to give you your soul back after you smoke a spliff, ever.