Spookie Dookie, a sentient turd and mascot used to educate about ectoplasm

Posted under Episode 218, Story On By Chief

You are Spookie Dookie, a sentient turd and mascot used to educate children and young adults about the dangers of ectoplasm. You are giving a fun and engaging presentation at Gettysburg High School when a group of ghostly Civil War soldiers descend on the building! You must muster all your courage and expertise to defend the school! You rush to your van to retrieve your emergency ghost hunting equipment, but all you find is cheap Chinese-made giveaway items! They will have to do... 

Stats:

Health: 100% (O)

Stomach: 100% (O)
"Magnesium-flavored"

> You reach into your bag of Chinese-made giveaway items and find:.

"A weight-loss shake!"
While not exactly what you had in mind, this shake can probably be used as a weapon.
You throw the weight-shake at the civil solider ghosts. It hits the mark and slows them down, just enough time for you to... 

"Aww, man!"
Your bowels release, instantly filling your mascot suit with foul-smelling brown liquid.

> You level up and gain the following Rectoplasmic powers:.

"Acid Spit!"
You can spit acid! However, this ability is extremely weak (about as powerful as a child's water pistol) and the only way for you to improve it is to eat food...

> You eat battery acid and broken dreams, then spit at the soldiers.
The soldiers scream in agony as you successfully melt their faces off. 
"Nailed it." 

Stats:
You are a necromantic being composed of gooey, parasitic, and nutritious tissue.
The principal gives you an honorary medal for saving the school. 
Stats:
You are a necromantic being composed of gooey, parasitic, and nutritious tissue.
You go to prom with Penople Pee, she is giddy that saved the school.You die peacefully of natural causes.
A horrible chemical tanker accident spills experimental growth hormones' all over your grave site. You are brought back to life with the following new powers:

"Acid Spit!"
"Goo Explosion!"
"Puke Cloud!"
"Melting!"
You travel the sewers until you encounter... 

Once again, you find yourself crawling through a sewer. This time, however, you begin to notice that the tunnel is unlike any sewer tunnel you've ever seen before!
Instead of sewage, the tunnel is filled with...After leaving the sewers, you find yourself in...
After leaving the island, you are immediately fired upon by... 
You land on the roof of a fast food restaurant. You begin to notice that the employees behind the counter are not normal fast food workers.
The workers are all made of... 
You then notice that the customers are all... 
The only way to escape is to fly away!

> You decide to find Penelope and see what she's up to.
You travel to the most logical place: The local high school! When you arrive, however, you notice that something is different.
The school is floating 80 feet in the air and a bunch of civil war enactment soldiers are dancing beneath it. You begin to hear loud music coming from inside the building. You enter, and come face to face with a giant...

A.I. 
"Hello there."

> You say "Are you capable of feeling?"
"I wouldn't know. I don't think I have the capacity to know such things."
"You don't? But you're talking to me, don't humans talk?" You say.
"Yeah, I talk a lot. It's sort of my thing."
"Why are you here, then?" You ask.
"I run this high school!"
"You run this high school?

> You say "Principal Alfred Institute?"
"Yes! That's my name!"
"What are you? Are you the principal?

> You say "Well, I'm the superintendent."
"I don't recognize your name."
"Maybe I'm an undercover superintendent. I'm here to investigate if your school is up to par with safety regulations.
You are interrupted when Radar Technician Matt, turns off the AI for maintenance. 
"What?! Why did you turn me off? I was just getting to the good part!"
"Sorry, Freddy, but I need to do some maintenance on you." The technician says.

> You tell the Matt the radar technician that Kylo Ren sucks.
"That's not helpful, sir." Matt tells you.
"Well, it's the truth. He can't even hold his lightsaber."
You are suddenly flung from the highschool and fall 80 feet onto the civil soldiers dancing. 
You break both of their necks and they all die instantly.
The moral of the story: Don't turn off Freddy.