You are Harvey Dent, an attorney who has been voted to be the sexiest man of the year. Tons of guys are jealous of all the attention you're getting from beautiful ladies. Two dozen men form a mob and kidnap you. After bringing you to an abandoned building, they grab a tub of toxic chemicals and attempt to dump it on your face, but the chemicals only land on half your face. Half of your face turned purple. Because of that, you start calling yourself Two-Face. You use your new nickname in your crimes as you live half a life of crime and half a life of justice. You pass by a football stadium and a fan thing you are also a fan of the Vikings because of your purple face. You enter the stadium and see several people tied up to chairs. The host of the event holds a gun and is talking on a microphone. You could help the people tied up, or you could kill them. You flip a coin to decide what to do. "I'll be back in a few minutes folks. Whoever can untie themselves will win my personal thanks," the host says. "Good luck." He leaves the room. You reach in your pocket for a coin, but all you have is a D20. You roll and see that you get a 15. You slowly walk to the first hostage tied to a chair. He is wearing sunglasses, so you're not sure if he is even looking in your direction. > You slap the sunglasses off of his face and say "roll a death saving throw" as you roll the d20. The man looks up and says "shit." You slap the sunglasses off of his face and say "roll a death saving throw" as you roll the d20. The man rolls a 10, and he dies. You turn to the next hostage and repeat the process. You roll a 2, and he says "fuck you man!" over and over again until you gag him with his clothing. The host comes back and see that you have killed two of his hostages. "What the fuck did you do?" he asks. The third hostage, a woman, looks at you with fear in her eyes. "Are you here to rescue us?" > You have her roll the d20 for her life. The hostage looks at you and says "Mr. Dent, is that you?" You reach in your pocket and pull out a lighter. You see the hostage try to get up, only to be pushed down by the host. > You light the host on fire. The host realizes what you are doing and tries to put the flames out. He runs around the room screaming until he goes up in flames. You stop flicking the lighter, and the hostage gets up slowly. You lean in for a kiss, and put the d20 in the woman's hands and tell her to roll for her life. She rolls a 17, and you disappear as she turns to see who kissed her. You let her go and then turn around to see Bat-Man, a man with a baseball bat. Next to him is a man wearing a blue and yellow suit. You can't see his face, but he appears to be staring at you. > You the man in the blue and yellow suit says he is Wolfarine, a superhero who is a big fan of wolves. The man in the blue and yellow suit says he is Wolfarine, a superhero who is a big fan of wolves. You good face makes peace with Bat-Man and Wolfarine while your bad face calls the mob to come dispose of the bodies. The police finds out that the fanatics were planning on blowing up the stadium. The three of you share a drink in honor of your victory against crime. Spyer-man, the guy who spies on people with binoculars, blows your cover when he shows Caveman Johnson photos of you killed two of the hostages. Wolfarine realizes that you are Two-Face and tries to arrest you, but Bat-Man protects you by claiming that he is the one who killed the hostages. Bat-Man takes the fall and goes to jail for you. Meanwhile, you plot your revenge against Wolfarine. Bath-man arrives in his flying bathtub, with his soap-on-a-rope and throwing loofahs, to help you take Wolfarine down. The three of you storm the police station, taking out all his guards. You corner Wolfarine in the interrogation room and flip my coin to decide his fate. "Good evening, gentlemen," The coin soars through the air and lands, you see the coin is heads. "Oh, what a surprise," you say. You declaw Wolfarine. He fires his gun, but you're faster. You punch him in the stomach and grab his wrist, twisting it and using your knee to crush his genitals. The moral of the story: You're the goddamn Batman.
Harvey Dent, Two-Face attorney
Posted under Episode 217, Story On By Chief