Chad Ortiz, a 29 years old game developer working at Reindrob® Game Studios

Posted under Episode 217, Story On By Chief

You are Chad Ortiz, a 29 years old game developer working at Reindrob® Game Studios. Recently Reindrob® Industries, the parent company developed groundbreaking new technology for virtual reality gaming experiences. A special device connecting to a user's brain wave, allowing them to be in the game and control it using their mind.
Your job has been to work on a fantasy MMORPG and today is the day the closed beta test with around 250 players starts. Of course, you will be joining them in-game to act as a game master. The time arrives and you put on the Reindrob® BlueNerve headgear. Everything goes smoothly and you enjoy yourself slaying monsters, completing quests, and teaming up with other players for an hour or so. When you swipe up to open the in-game menu you suddenly notice that the button to logout is gone. Right after this there is suddenly a game-wide broadcast happening. The voice announces... "Congratulations, you have all survived the first day of the game! But in order to leave you need to accomplish some challenges we have prepared for you. Otherwise you will be staying here forever!

> You the first challenge is:.
You are standing on a large map. It shows a wide island, surrounded by many smaller ones. You know it represents the area you are in right now.
You pickup your class weapon: Chimera Corps Sword of Bluntness, a giant marijuana blunt. How appropriate, you think.

> You travel to one of the smaller islands in search of...
It's time to go. You decide to find a smaller island surrounded by cliffs in an attempt to find useful things inside it.
You reach the island and quickly notice something strange. This island is not empty.

> You are suddenly assailed by dozens of NPC shop owners begging to buy your Sword of Bluntness.
Suddenly you are surrounded by dozens of very small people.
"Please sir, I will give you 500 gold for your sword.

> You say "no, I do not sell to very small people"
Thankfully the small people disappear and you are left alone to explore. You notice that there is a small portal on your map.
"That's probably a safe spot to camp at," you think.
You setup camp next to the portal, suddenly a database glitch causes a level 100 mob to spawn, raid boss Radgar, the red dragon appears right next to you.
"Yum, yum, human!" He says in a thick accent and attacks.
You scream as you are eaten by the dragon.
You are still alive in the Dragon's stomach, you level up and gain the following skills:
Swimming lvl 1: You are able to hold your breath under water for longer periods of time.
Singing lvl 1: You can now sing songs, of course only you can hear them.
You see another person drop in the Dragon's stomach. It is Jim, a guy who broke the games you were developing.
"Hola," he greets you.
"Hola, amigo," you reply.
You and Jim plot your escape.
The dragon takes both of you to different corners of the world.
You awake to a gnome hitting you with a cricket bat. You have been kidnapped and are in a small windowless room.

> You kick the gnome.
You pull your legs back and kick the gnome as hard as you can in the jaw, he falls over backwards.
"Who are you?" You demand as the gnome lays prone on the floor.
"My name's Gannon."
"Do you know who I am?"
"You're the guy who provided the voice for Nathan McBride in Zombie Slayer, Wing Commander, Tetris and hundreds more."
It is quiet, you feel a rumbling of something getting closer and closer. It is right outside, you fear it might be the dragon returning. You hug Gannon and hold him in fear. Then the Kool Aid Man busts through the wall and yells, "OH YEAH!"
"What's happening?"
"We're being rescued," Gannon smiles. The Kool-Aid Man has been very busy, he has busted through every wall in the building.
The gnome yells at you for destroying his house. 
Gannon yells at the Kool-Aid Man for destroying his house.
You yell at the Kool-Aid Man for destroying your house.
The Kool Aid Man grabs you both and flies away.
"Oh, no," Gannon says as the Kool-Aid Man drops both of you in the middle of the forest somewhere.
"Catch ya later, Gannon!" he yells as he flies away.
The moral of the story: You should not drink so much Kool-Aid.