Frank Enstein, a perfectly normal German man

Posted under Episode 213, Story On By Chief

You are Frank Enstein, a perfectly normal German man. Whenever someone sees or hears your name, they will make a reference to Frankenstein's monster without fail. It has literally never not happened in your 43 years of life. (Even your parents did it). You consider yourself to be a pretty level-headed person, but the whole Frankenstein thing is really starting to get on your nerves. One fateful day, you finally lose your temper during your daily coffee run.
Where do you go from here?
You decide to get your name changed. You are told that you can legally change your name, but there is only one name left in the world, it is:
You have been a "Chad" ever since.
You level up, you gain the following Chad related skills:
87: Owning It
Chads are the most alpha male guys there are. They own everything they do. When a Chad does something, he does it right.
You get a package in the mail, it is crate of Frankenstein costumes sent to you by a prankster named Tony.
You decide to host a costume party. Everyone dresses up as the monster for fun.
You are having a great time when you notice two of your guests are having an arguement: R. L. Stine, the children's horror author, and R. El. Stein, German Brewmaster. They are arguing over which of them is more "original". You smile slyly to yourself and proceed to host an impromptu costume contest. The winner is decided by the audience response, which is unsurprisingly in favor of R. L. Stine. He is given a new car as a reward.
The two R.s leave not long after, and you decide that the party is over anyway.

> You see a new hit movie about a monster called "CHAD" comes out. The movie is a hit and everyone starts calling you CHAD and you decide to change your name to...
You wake up in the middle of night to a strange sound. You go to the front door of your house and find a letter on your doormat.
You open it to see a bill for one million dollars!
You flip the bill around and see CHAD written in blood!
Looking out the window, you see behind your house. Suddenly, it appears to bleed from dozens of tiny cuts all over its body.
You look closer and see that it is made out of paper mache and blood paint.
You hear a chuckle coming from behind you. You turn around to see... yourself!
You get in a fist fight with your mirror self. You win, but at what cost?
You awaken in a hospital bed. A police officer walks in and tells you that you're the luckiest person alive!

> You ask the officer why?
He tells you that you were found unconscious next to the bloody corpses of the director, writer and lead actress of the new movie. You start crying uncontrollably.

> You say "What was movie and who was the actress?"
The officer tells you that the movie was called "CHAD" and the actress was...
You scream at him to stop talking. You have been framed for the murder of your wife!
You see like half the police department show up at the hospital. They tazers you. You are arrested and thrown in prison.
You are tried for the murder of your wife. The evidence is irrefutable. You are found guilty and executed through means of the electric chair.
The chair kills you, but unfortunately for the police, they executed you in the middle of a huge lightning storm. The prison is struck by a huge bolt of lightning and you are brought back to life, like Frankenstein!
You bust out of your prison and run into the night!
The police decide the only person that can stop you know is your dead wife, they hook her up to the chair and another bolt lightning strikes and brings her back to life as Bride of Chadenstein!
Your ghastly wife and you rampage through the town. The police try to stop you with tanks and guns, but to no avail.
You get all the Chad's of the world to join your army and take over. A few years later you are finally defeated when the USA sends a suicidal bomber to crash into your bunker...
The moral of story: never let a writer pen your biopic.