Auntie Phở, a mysterious and misunderstood woman

Posted under Episode 211, Story On By Chief

You are Auntie Phở, a mysterious and misunderstood woman who has definitely never ruined a suburb. You have organized a movement to defund AIPD, because someone on Twitter said it is way worse than viral infection. You devise a 3-step plan to achieve this, as follows:
Taking inspiration from the Occupy movement, you urge a group of protesters to gather outside of AIPD HQ. You tell them to chant things like "AIPD is E-VIL!"
The protestors flip over a car.  This brings you some attention.
You realize that nobody really cares about the AIPD, they just enjoy watching things being flipped over. You begin organizing a city-wide game of Flappy Bird.

> You say "How does that work?"
After rallying the city to successfully "beat" Flappy Bird, you convince the Governor to stop funding the AIPD. You've won!
The AIPD has been defunded! The terrorists have lost!

> You to celebrate, you go out to dinner with your best friend Isis.
As you are about to leave your house, you realize you've forgotten your wallet. You go back inside to look for it, and suddenly a net falls on you from the ceiling.
The man reveals himself as Beche, who is sad he can no longer watch AIPD. Beche says: "You've been busted, Auntie! You're coming with me!"
He takes you away to be executed.
Jason takes pity on you, and asks Beche to drop the charges.  He agrees, but only if you become his personal servant for 1 year.
You agree, but are not happy with it. Beche tells you to make him a sandwich.
You quickly do so, but you mess up the order and make him a sandwich with lettuce, when he hates lettuce. He's unhappy with you, and shoots you.

> You stagger next door, where Apolo, the CEO of Reindrob's company, finds you.
"Are you okay?" asks Apolo. "Do you need anything?"
You ask if he could bring you a glass of water. He does so, but spills it all over you.
"I'm sorry,"
Apolo tells you that he is being hunted by Eric Trump and you can stay here if you help him stop Eric.
Do you agree, or tell him you just want to leave?

> You agree.
You tell Apolo you'll help him escape, but you first need to go back to your house for clothes. When you're there, Apolo knocks you out and ties you up.
You wake up tied to a lamp post in the street, Apolo tells you that you are bait for Eric Trump. Apolo apologizes and suddenly runs into bushes as he sees Eric Trump approaches.
"I've caught an FBI agent, Eric! You can have fun with this one!" Apolos yells.
Eric smiles and walks over to you.

> You say "Untie me at once, you naughty boy!"
"You've been a naughty boy, haven't you," asks Eric, with a wink.
"You can't do this, you have to outrun him! Tie me to the lamp post!" you protest.
Eric sees you are already tied up, so he undoes your restraints allowing you to escape. "Damn why am I so dumb!", Eric shouts.
You run into the hedge, as Apolo and some FBI agents come to your aid.

> You say "I was so wrong! We need AIPD more than ever in these trying times. "
"Damn right," says Apolo. "Let's go round up some of the old AIPD team."
You agree, and head to your car while Apolo goes to his.
Jason, Jim, Tony and Cory agree to chase away Eric Trump. They run up to Eric and scream "socialized medicine," terrifying him.  Meanwhile, you have gathered all the AIPD members together to retake the White House and get rid of the Tea Baggers once and for all.
On the helicopter ride to the White House, Jason from AIPD asks you, "Why did you try and cancel us Auntie?"
"I didn't," you say. "That was the Tea Party."
"Oh, well that makes more sense."
You chuckle.
You storm the White House with AIPD and you grab a bazooka from the helicopter. You have the head of the Tea Baggers cornered.
"We give up," says Tom.
You take control of the White House once more. The news reports that the Tea Party has been defeated once more, and you have saved it.
The moral of the story: never mess with a black Democrat.