You are Jessie Spaghetti, a teenager who lives in the old west. You have been wanted for a murder of a Sheriff you didn't commit. You are trying to clear you name and find the real killer while also not getting caught by the authorities. You can either stay and join the posse in chasing you and try to escape them to prove your innocence or you can stay and face the posse in a more face to face battle. You try to run, but encounter your rival and arch nemesis, Rigatoni Tony, on the outskirts of town. He's a crazy person who loves torturing people and thinks he's a wannabe spaghetti chef, hence the name. You both draw your weapons. You whip out your special spaghetti fork, Tony whips out a regular one. > You stick Rigatoni Tony so many times, he looks like a colander. You are a master with your fork. You stab, thrust and pierce Rigatoni so many times, he looks like a colander. Tony manages to escape and alert the town of your whereabouts. The new Sheriff rides in on a horse. You are trapped. "Jessie Spaghetti, you are under arrest for the murder of Sheriff Buckles." "I didn't do it! It was Rigatoni Tony!" You break out your canoli gun and shoot Sheriff Larry Lasagna off his horse. Larry is injured, but not dead. You escape into the desert. Days later, you are still in the desert, starving and near death. You come across a small town that has no lawmen there. You use all your remaining energy to walk to the town and get food. > You try using Reindrob's® Jetpack, but Reindrob's® keep falling on your head. You get hit by a falling Reindrob's® and are killed. Congrats! You have survived a whole year playing as the 11th and final player! You pull off the VR headset and are mad that you didn't win another round of Chef Boyardee's Spaghetti Western Pasta Experience. "That's the 12th time I've played and still haven't won a prize," you say. "The odds are 12 to 1," your twin sister, Antimony, says. You play again, this time when you get to the encounter with Sheriff Lasagna, you decide to turn yourself in and prove your innocence. The sheriff admits it was an accident and the real killer is found via a random shotgun blast to his face. You get a free spaghetti dinner at the restaurant that was inspired by the Spaghetti Western Pasta Experience. > You with your name cleared, you decide to run for mayor. Your opponent is Perry Marinara, a local pasta baron. You make your speech in front of the town hall. In your speech, you just list off your favorite pasta dishes. The crowd goes wild. "We should definitely vote for him!" a townsperson says. You get exactly 1,000 votes, while your opponent gets zero. > You order Perry Marinara to be jailed. He is sent to the pastatentiary. In your first decree as mayor of Pastaville, you send the former mayor to a newly-opened pastatentiary in the middle of Nowheristan. He shouldn't be able to escape from there. To your surprise, you gets news that he HAS escaped. He somehow managed to bribe his way out of the pastatentiary. "I need to hire a new head security guard," you say. "Great idea, mayor," your assistant, Gary, says. > You gary falls to the floor with a dagger in his back. "hello Jessie" says Perry pointing a shotgun at you. The holographic projector drops and there you see the escaped criminal, pointing a shotgun at you. "hello Jessie," he says. You assistant Gary, a giant pet snail, slowly slithers out of the room. You sit down with Perry Marinara and hear what his demands are. -- Back _______________________________________ You tratinobasso and lean in for a kiss with Perry. He pulls away. "I'm not kissing you when you haven't even introduced yourself." > You say "I'm the man who always uses his noodle." "That's a terrible joke," he says. "I'm a terrible trombone player." He laughs. "Really? You're a trombone player? > You say "Yes" "Cool, I play the drums! But enough about me, tell me about yourself." He smiles. You think he's into you. "I'm the man who always uses his noodle. > You invite him to use your noodle. You've never been one to turn down a good noodle invitation. He's shocked, and you're shocked he's shocked. "You mean you weren't inviting me to use your noodle? > You say "Check out my spicy meatballs." You drop trou. He's impressed. "How the hell are you packing so much down there?" You shrug, because honestly you're not exactly sure how you became so well-endowed. Perry looks away. > You tell Perry to look at it. He does, and he's impressed. He thinks for a second. "I've never done this before," he finally says. "But if we're going to do this, I don't have protection." > You say "Good, I want to get pregnant." "I'm in," he says. He throws you against the wall. You kiss passionately, and he drops his pants. He enters your number 9. "Oh my god, that feels so good," you scream. "Is it?" he asks. "I've never had a number 9 before." You both laugh, and continue to fornicate. He pulls out, and you stop. The moral of the story: Always use protection.
Jessie Spaghetti, a teenager who lives in the old west
Posted under Episode 208, Story On By Chief