You are Nicolas Cage, a guy who is mad at Warner Bros. for canceling his Superman film. As revenge, you decide to break into Henry Cavill's trailer and take his Superman costume. Henry sees you, so he sternly says, "Give me my costume back." You grin, while replying, "You'll have to catch me." You start running away. Suddenly, Henry starts flying after you. You say, "You can fly?" Henry replies, "Of course I can. I'm Superman." You come to a fork in the road. You can go left, or right. You have to decide which way to turn, and then run like hell. To the left, you see a forest. You hide behind a tree. You see Henry land and transform into The Witcher. You sneak up behind him and stab him with a silver dagger. He falls to the ground and turns back into Henry. You retrieve your knife and say, "That's what you get for stealing my movie." You sleep in Henry's movie trailer and you wake up to a knock at the trailer door where a PA is surprised to see you and not Henry. You hurry to get out of the trailer before you're seen and blend into the large crowd of people already on set. You watch as they do the morning call for actors and then realize you don't have a costume. > You go to the costume department. They dress you up as... You go to the costume department. They dress you up as a holochess player, but unfortunately for you the costume department mixed up the labels and got the two of you mixed up. You see the director and walk up to tell him that he should replace Henry as the lead and give you the starring role of Superman. The director looks at you and then looks again. "What are you doing here? You're not a droid, are you?" You reply, "I'm not a droid. Kevin Smith walks up to you and the director. He start swearing a lot and talks Catholicism in DC Comics. He mentions that he'd love a role in the new series of films. The director says he could be a sorcerer, but he would have to get approval from the top brass at the Vatican first. You take the red eye flight to the Vatican and storm into the Pope's chambers. You tell him that you want to replace Superman with... God is disappointed in you and says you can never enter heaven. > You say "I dont care about getting heaven, I just need to be Superman!" The Pope says that he is putting your name to a list, but he can't make any promises. > You take the Superman project to the Dali Lama, and ask him to finance the movie. The Dali Lama gives you a check for $200 million. He says that this movie will make more people interested in Tibetan Buddhism, and hopes that there will be a sequel. You meet the director of a new superman film, his name is "Not Satan I Promise. Kevin Smith". He says that you can play the role of a sinister demon from the depths of hell. You accept his offer, and go to the set of "Batman vs. Superman". When you get there Ben Affleck walks over to you and says, "Hey, I heard you were playing the role of a demon in this movie. I think that's a great choice. > You tell Kevin Smith you are playing Superman now, and you hand the check from the Dalai Lama. You hand the check over to Not Satan I Promise. He reads it, and looks confused. "Is this real?" You reply, "Yes." Not Satan I Promise says, "This check is made out to me, and it's for more than the budget of my movie. Why is that?" You say, "It's because I want to be Superman, not a demon." You see the Spawn costume and throw it on the ground. "Now that I'm done filming Super Man vs. Batman, I'm done with those types of roles." Not Satan I Promise says, "I get it. You want the lead in my film." > You say "Let's go to lunch." You and Not Satan I Promise grab your favorite lunch spot. He says, "You know, I'm still having trouble believing you own a movie studio. Your waiter walks up. He is Hellboy. He says, "I heard you were playing a role in a satanic movie. I just wanted to say I'm glad you came to your senses. This gives you an idea, you pitch to Not Satan I Promise "Superman vs The World - starring Nic Cage" Not Satan I Promise asks you where you are going with this. You reply, "We'll make Nic Cage play all the roles in the movie, so he doesn't need a supporting cast." Not Satan I Promise casts you as every role in the Superman movie. You get cast as every role in Superman vs. The World. Your movie makes $1.000.000 at the box office. You look at the movie poster and read the pull quote of the movie: "Every role Nic Cage. Every role Great!" You've beaten the Hollywood system. The moral of the story: Don't mess with Nic Cage.
Nicolas Cage, a guy who is mad at Warner Bros for canceling his Superman film
Posted under Episode 206, Story On By Chief