Tomar Miller, a small time youtuber who makes urban exploration videos

Posted under Episode 204, Story On By Chief

You are Tomar Miller, a small time youtuber who makes urban exploration videos. During filming the exploration of an abandoned school you see a message on a nearby wall painted in blood and hear the doors slam behind you. The message says...

"If you're reading this then you're my last hope, because they caught me. They're going to kill us all. You have to warn the others, before it's too late."

> You search for the victim. You find shredded pieces of him, which makes you suspect this is the work of Ceseaŕ Saladé, incompetent serial killer.
You run outside and hurry to call the police. You explain to them that you found parts of a dismembered body at an abandoned school and provide them with the address, before ending the call.
As you hang up the phone, you turn around to see Ceseaŕ Saladé holding the cut phone wire. He's angry.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" he screams. "I'm going to eat your liver!"
The police arrive, but the only sent one man: Cory, a rookie police officer who wants to protect you.  He arrives at the scene and finds Ceseaŕ on the ground tied up to a pole, screaming.
"I told you I'd get you!" he screams.
You watch Ceseaŕ get escorted off to jail. You follow behind Cory's cruiser when suddenly...
You see a masked figure on the side of the road. You're not sure if you're seeing things, but you swerve to avoid the figure and accidentally drive straight off a bridge into the river!
Luckily Cory's cruiser is also a boat, unfortunately your car is not. It fills with water and quickly starts to sink. As it does so you find yourself treading water in the middle of the river.
Corey throws you what looks like a life preserver. Up close, you realize it is a donut.  That's when you realize that you're trapped in a universe where nothing makes sense and everything is stupid.
Oh, well. At least you can eat the donut.
You eat the donut and see another man treading water, you help him onto the boat. He tells you his name is Alan Hale Jr., "The Skipper". You get on well, and soon enough...
You find an underwater cave! You have a feeling this might be the "LOST CABIN" referenced in the title of the book. Can you find it?

> You surface inside the underwater cave.
You surface inside the underwater cave and find two things: a chest, and the captain of the ship. "Barbossa" you say, remembering your research.
The Skipper, who followed you into the cave, opens the chest.  He finds a large, gold-rimmed crystal ball. "GOLD" reads the book.
The crystal ball begins to shine and suddenly its sparkling, yellow beam is pointing directly at you.
You open the book and read the first few pages, it says:
"Welcome, friend. Do you want to try the special game? Turn to page 34, but don't cheat. Remember: you can't win, but you may lose. Or something like that."

> You don't listen and turn to page 140 instead.
"Congratulations, you have found all four treasures. Do you want to play again? You can turn to page 34 and try to find more treasures, or you can turn to page 66 for a nice surprise."
You see a list of the four treasures, they are:
The tooth of the shark: allows the user to understand and be understood by animals.
The golden bough: allows passage to the land of the dead.
The magic crystal: shows glimpses of the future.
The Holy Grail: may fulfill any two wishes.
Your first wish is for more subscribers to your YouTube. Your second wish is for world peace.
The book begins to heat up and you suddenly drop it. It turns to ash and the wind blows it away.
That was weird.
You turn to page 34, it's blank but you see another list of treasures...
What will you choose?
Looks like you'll be playing the game again!
You have chosen:
The magic crystal: shows glimpses of the future.
The moral of the story: don't play the game again.