Mysterious man dragged into the Tubby Custard

Posted under Episode 204, Story On By Chief

Mysterious man dragged into the Tubby Custard
The Teletubbies drag you into the Tubby Custard, howling like some ravenous beasts. The red furred menace, who has now been deprived of jelly for six days now, enters your closet, pushing the clothes aside, as she screams her name, "PO! PO GO POO-POO IN T-SHIRT!" Suddenly, Tinky Winky walks in, clutching a Wonka Bar and growling through a saliva-filled mouth, the low, guttural tone being spewed over your head as the spit follows, "JOIN US OR DROWN IN THE CUSTARD OF DOOM!"
Tinky Winky takes your hand, and leads you to the small, cold table. George has already seated himself in a high chair, and is calling for his dinner.

> You "What are you having for dinner?"
The gang turns to you with a maniacal laugh, as evil fills your eyes and melts your heart. The children begin to laugh, as Tinky Winky rises, approaching slowly and viciously.
KyrilGrey walks into the room and...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" you scream in terror as the Teletubbies pounce on you.
...Kyril just rolls his eyes and and turns to walk away.

> You say "Help us, Kyril!"
George grabs you, chucking a furry brown rope around your neck, strangling you. You choke and scream, as the furby beast dances in front of your vision.
You grab a weapon, a sentient vacuum cleaner that goes by the name of Nuunuu. You stick the vacuum cleaner on George and break free. You grab a plate and chuck it at the baby, hitting him in the head. He screams and falls to the floor, crying like a girl and bleeding from his head. You scream with reckless abandon and begin to laugh.
You level up, you gain the following teletubby friendship powers:
-You now have access to the levitation ability
-You can now perform the suck ability
"Where are you going?" George asks, as you rise above him.
You level up again, you gain following sub class:
-Tubby Custard TProvider
Tubby Custard TProvider Subclass:
-Tubby Custard Specific Abilities
You can now perform the "suck" ability once every 2 minutes.
You suck George. He cries as the suction removes his blood and life force, depleting it and replacing it with custard, like how a socket takes an electric appliance.
A man emerges from a pool of tubby custard. It is Jason, a businessman who financially supported the Teletubbies in exchange for buttered custard. He looks at you, then at George.
"George is dead," you say, matter of factly. "Bury him."

> You jason buries George. The Teletubbies aren't laughing anymore.
Sobbing, you continue your adventure in Teletubby Land.
"Why?" Tinky Winky asks, tears streaming down his eyes. "The sun on our feet is gone. George is dead.
You think you are in the clear, suddenly the Teletubbies combine and transform like the power rangers. The transform into a giant Tony, the Televangelist Tubby.
"Repent," it says.
You repent, and Tinky Winky spits in your face, yelling "You deserve this for killing our friend."
Kyril slaps Tinky Winky for spitting on you.  "Shut up," he says.
George begins to laugh, and stops. "That wasn't me," he says.
Suddenly, a black man appears out of thin air. "Hi there kids," he says.
"Who are you?" you ask.
"My name is John," he says. "I'm here to tell you about the Bible."
"What's that?"
"It's a book," John says, grabbing a big black book and opening it.
Suddenly, an apple appears in your hand. You throw it at John, who ducks.

"What the fuck, man?" John says. "You tryin' to kill me?"
"Who are you?"
"I'm Jesus. Now give me your fucking kidney."
"Fuck you,"
You suck John's kidney out from his body. He screams, and is gone.
"Where'd John go?" Tinky Winky asks.
"Fuck if I know," you say.
Suddenly, a police officer knocks on the door.
You open the door and great the officer. "Hello, officer," you say.
"Hello," the officer says.
The officer turns away from you and walks into the room.
The office says, "I'm here because of..."
You grab the officer and eat his kidney. He screams.
The Teletubbies watch in awe. "Why did you do that?" Tinky Winky asks.
"I'm a cannibal,"
You say that just as businessman Jason walk in the house. Jason slowly backs out of the room and closes the door.
"Let's get out of here," you say.
You escape in your minivan, but unfortunately you didn't bring any diapers for Tinky Winky, who is leaking piss everywhere.
The moral of the story: religion sucks.