Rich Jason finally gets his hands on a brand new NVIDIA RTX 3090 and it speaks to him!

Posted under Episode 203, Story On By Chief

You are Rich Jason. You have finally gotten your hands on a brand new NVIDIA RTX 3090 graphics card (MSRP $1,499)! You install it and hit the power button. To your surprise, your computer begins speaking to you! It says: "Starting up..."
You think to yourself, "What a sweet Voice Recognition system! Now I can just tell my computer what to do, rather than navigating through a bunch of start menus!"

> You give your computer it's fist voice command. You say...
"Turn up The Walking Dead!"
Your computer obeys, and turns up the TV volume. Unfortunately, you are so distracted by your new graphics card that you completely forget to watch The Walking Dead!
Suddenly, Middle-Class Tony, who want you graphics card, jumps through the window and snatches your computer off your desk.  He then breaks your window on the way out.
You are devastated.
"I will get that computer back," you say to yourself.
You go to the local pawn shop and ask for a loan.
You wait at the pawn shop and Tony walks in with your computer. You surprise him and try to take your computer back. A fight breaks out.
The owner of the pawn shop runs out of the backroom and turns on the lights.
The pawnshop owner grabs a weapon...

Part 2: The Pawnshop Owner
You and middle-class Tony are in the middle of a fistfight over your computer. Middle-Class Tony is beating you up pretty bad.
You see a lot of medieval weapons on the wall, you reach up and grab...
Part 3: The Pike
You grab the Pike. You plunge the pike into Middle-Class Tony's back! Middle-Class tony screams. He falls to the ground.
Middle-class Tony, lying in a pool of his own blood, reveals his troubled past to you;  he was mentally abused as a child, he failed out of college, he suffers from an addiction to various prescription drugs.
You level up, you gain the following rich kid powers:
Ability to sleep with semi-attractive girls, even when they're otherwise unavailable.
You take your computer back and awkwardly make your way out of the pawn shop.

> You run into a semi-attractive girl.
You walk down the street, pondering your next move. You see a beautiful girl with long blonde hair, she is wearing headphones and swaying to whatever is playing.
You run ahead of her and stop, you start waving $10000 right in her face.
She pulls out her headphones and says "What the fuck do you think your doing?"
You explain to her that she is now dating you. She agrees, but only if you can keep up.
She runs away, and you chase her.  You catch up to her and soon the pair of you are dating each other.
You have now successfully navigated through the choppy waters that is "The Jocks".

> You go to the library and read about "The Jocks"
You go to the library and read about "The Jocks".
You discover that they have a secret hate for "The Nerds", while "The Nerds" hate them right back.
You see a pack of Nerds watching you read the book, the scurry away when you notice them.
You have a strange feeling they know you are one of them...
Part 4: The Nerds
It'll be better if I guide you through this part.
Bolded words are actions that can be taken.
Underlined words are special actions that can be taken once you have enough nerd cred.
You check the corkboard in the library for a list of ten things you can do for more nerd cred:
1. Find the books on "The Jocks" and give them bad reviews online
2. Help a nerd learn how to talk to girls
3. Give a hot girl bad advice
4. Tell the librarian to add 50 books to the fiction section
5. Bring a tin-foil hat to school to help against mind-reading aliens
6. Let the aerodynamics team flip a coin to see if their project will fly or not
7. Find a book on how to pick up girls and give it five stars online
8. Let a nerd take a test for you
9. Tell everyone Mario Kart is a real Mario game
10. Send a letter bomb to the school
You decide to...

> You see a hot girl and give her bad advice by telling her...
You walk up to the girl and say: "I'm rich!"
She replies: "Me too, I'm going to live forever. Bye!"

> You decide to pass out flyers that say "MARIO KART IS A REAL MARIO GAME!" to all the jocks.
The jocks get pissed off and start yelling at you, they start throwing things. You duck and run away.
They chase you out of the school.
You manage to escape the school.
You go to the science lab and craft a weapon that can defeat the jocks: A homemade flamethrower!
You strap it to your back and walk up to the jocks. You turn it on and burn them all alive.
You are crowned King of the Nerds, then the police show up. You're taken away and executed for killing jocks.
The moral of the story: Nerds have freaky weapons and will kill you if you're a jock.