Sarah Brooker, a children’s entertainer who hates children

Posted under Episode 200, Story On By Chief

You are Sarah Brooker, a childrens entertainer who hates children. On a long costume shift, you take a breather and come back inside to discover that all the water in the room has been replaced by... blood. It seems to almost be calling out to you, and you feel compelled to drink it.
You try some, and it is the most refreshing, delicious thing you've ever tasted.
And that's how I learned I was a vampire.  On my next 6AM-6PM shift, I sat in a room full of 'artificial' blood bottles, and got to work.
You start slamming bottles of artificial blood when suddenly Cory the lab tech comes back early from lunch to see you have broken in. "There you are! I've been looking for you!"
You jump up in a panic, knocking over some bottles to the floor.
"What are you doing here?" he says, "I thought you'd already be back on the... Oh my God are you drunk?" You ask, picking up a clean but empty bottle.
"We need you at the museum right now! There's a preparations job we need doing, and the other two are sick." He gives you a strange look.

> You and Corey rush to the museum.
You and Cory make your way to the museum as quickly as you can, not wishing to leave the director waiting. It's a nice break from the lab, and it feels good to stretch your legs.
You see a new exhibit: 100 vials of fresh human blood. They're rows upon rows of glass vials, each one filled with a red liquid, in the same type of case that 'you' are exhibited in.
You see one vial separated from the rest: cold-pressed virgin blood with a spritz of goat urine. Legend has it, consuming this will grant you wings, just like Red Bull!  Trust me, I've tried it. It tastes like wing.
You arrive at the museum, and are let in through the huge wooden doors by a guard. "I have a delivery for the Director"
The director approaches you and says a flamboyant Australian greeting... "Bulgar !" You hate that about him.
You defy the Director by drinking the blood exhibit right in front of him.
"Bulgar, you're drunk. Go home."
You continue drinking right in front of him.
You lean in for a kiss with the director.
You get the kiss.

*NOTE: THIS IS THE ENDING FOR THE BULGAR FLAVORED ENDING.

> You say "Call me Bulgar again" and decide to seduce her.
You continue drinking right in front of him.
You lean in for a kiss with the director.
You get the kiss.
"That's a boy, Bulgar,"
Museum security finally catches up to you and places you in museum jail.
You spend the night in jail, and are released in the morning.
The morning headlines read: Famous Actor's Descendant Massacred In Museum.
You are found dead in your apartment.
The blood you drank from the exhibit gives you wings and brings you back to life. You are now the first true vampire-angel.
You begin your ascension into heaven. I hope you enjoyed the story.
You are reunited with your famous actor grandfather, who is... actually a nice guy.
This story has a shocking twist ending. You won't believe what happens!
Sadly, I still don't give a fuck.
You join the war with the other vampire angels and wage an attack against the Hell Hounds. Unfortunately, you don't make it out alive.
You're dead. Thanks for playing.

> You fall back to earth.
You fall back to earth. You walk into a random coffee shop and start drinking the baristas dry. After you've left the shop, you take a look at the name of it.
The name of the coffee shop is "Hell".
This story has a shocking twist ending. You won't believe what happens!
The shocking twist ending is... it was a text adventure game! Thanks for playing.
You join the war with the other vampire angels and wage an attack against the Hell Hounds. Unfortunately, you don't make it out alive.
The moral of the story: only eat food that comes in a wrapper.
You are dead. Thanks for playing.You encounter a dwarf rogue named:War, Death, Famine, and Conquest.
You have a hard time choosing which one to pick. They all seem so... promising.
You encounter a goliath sorcerer named: Pain, Agony, Grief and Sorrow.
You are so moved by his story that you begin to cry.
This doesn't really help your cause much, but at least you're crying.