Tony, some guy that just had an awful date with some girl

Posted under Episode 199, Story On By Chief

You are Tony, some guy that just had an awful date with some girl, where he got friend-zoned. It's late at night and you are walking home on a dimly lit path through a forest area when you hear a rustling in the bushes. You stop in your tracks and after a few seconds, you hear a loud "honk!" as a goose jumps out of the bushes. "Ugh, leave me alone, silly goose" you yell at it, as you continue walking. The goose seems to follow you for a short while, then vanishes. After some time you take a left turn on the path when you suddenly see the goose standing right in front of you. There is dark mist floating around it and its eyes are lit in a bright red color. You are just about to ignore and walk past it when...

"HONK!" it says in a booming voice that echoes throughout the forest.

You suddenly feel a surge of pain hit you as you are thrown into the air and land face down on the ground.
Your date runs to you and asks "Are you ok?" You are lying face down and can't answer her, but you are glad she is here with you.

Suddenly the goose starts cackling and with a blinding flash of light it transforms into a horrible demon monster.
You ask the demon what he wants from you.
"I just wanted to say hi!" the demon says and slices your throat open with its claws.
You bleed out on the floor as the demon finishes you off by tearing your head off and drinking your blood.
Your date reveals herself to be a powerful witch, and she brings you back to life.  
"I love you." she says.
"I love you too." you reply as the pair of you kiss.
Then the demon returns and this time it brings a horde of undead goose demons with it.
Your new girlfriends stands up for you and tries to cast a spell, but the demon simply eats her first, before sharpening his blood-stained claws on your chest.
The story ends...

> You start kicking the gooses in their cabooses.
You put your back into it and scream like a girl as you unleash a flurry of kicks at the demon geese.
You defeat all the geese, now you have to find a sacrifice to bring your new girlfriend back to life.
Your first choice is the fat kid from the second floor. You walk into his room and he's playing COD again.
"Hey kid, I need you to leave, I need to... do something."
You slip some poison into his G-Fuel. He is dead within seconds, leaving you free to sacrifice him.
You make the incision, and go to see your girlfriend. You knock on her door, and she answers...

> You are shocked to see her alive. She explains she set revival spell in case she was killed. She asks you why you have dragged a dead fat kid to her apartment.
"He's not dead."
You bring the kid into her room and reveal to her that he is in fact alive. She is shocked and then furious.
You apologize to the fat kid and ask your girlfriend if there is anything she can do to save him. She tells you that you need to call a powerful wizard: Jim, your best friend.
You go to your room, get dressed and call Jim. He answers after a few rings.
"Hey man, it's me."
"It's Anthony.
You ask Jim for a favor. He says he will be over in a few minutes. You return to your girlfriend with the good news. Jim arrives and is surprised to see you alive, and even more surprised to see a dead fat kid in your apartment.

> You ask Jim to bring the fat kid back to life.
Jim arrives and is surprised to see you alive, and even more surprised to see a dead fat kid in your apartment.
"I thought you were dead."
You explain the situation to Jim. He looks at the kid, pulls out his phone and calls somebody. He tells them he needs some "snuff," and that he will pay double.
"Snuff?" you ask.
You are worried, but you call up your drug dealer and have him drop off the "snuff". He arrives in a few minutes.
"Hey, Ant."
"Hey, Greg."
You take the bag of heroin and pay him the $200 he asks for.

> You start stuffing the snuff into the fat kid's and your own orifices.
You look at Jim.
"Maybe we should try a little." you say.
You've smoked crack before, maybe you will know what to do.

> You and Jim start smoking a little bit of heroin.
You go into the bathroom and heat up a needle full of heroin over the flame of an old lighter. It takes about 30 seconds to heat up enough for you to push the melted tar into your arm.
Suddenly, your apartment is surrounded by demon geese. You and Jim are too high to care.
You think you see your girlfriend being taken away by the geese, but you're too busy throwing up in the toilet to care.
The fat COD kid comes back to life and starts attacking you.
"HE'S NOT THE ANTICHRIST! I AM!" you hear him scream as he beats you to death with a broom stick.
The Kool-Aid Man bursts in the room and says, "OH YEAH!... OH NO!!!" as he sees you're already dead.
You have been killed by the hands of a fat kid on angel dust... or was it heroin? You will never know.
The Kool-Aid Man sniffs all your snuff.
You reached "The End."
The moral of the story: Drugs are bad. Never do drugs. Thanks for reading!