Morris Karloff, the great-great grandson of movie-monster icon Boris Karloff

Posted under Episode 198, Story On By Chief

You are Morris Karloff, the great-great grandson of movie-monster icon Boris Karloff. Because of this, you think it's your destiny to play a monster in a movie. You audition for the part of the Mummy and you get the part. The film stars Brendan Fraser and Tom Cruise. In order to look like the Mummy, you wrap yourself in toilet paper. You walk on-set and say, "Boo, I'm a mummy. Beware of my powers and stuff." Brendan and Tom don't look impressed.  You are fired and never hired again. You die sad and alone, still thinking you were meant to play a monster.
Lightning strikes your trailer and your body is reanimated. You go on a rampage and eat Tom, but you are gunned down by the police with silver bullets. You are eaten by werewolves at the next full moon.
Brendan Fraser collects what's left of your flesh and grows a clone of you.  He raises it as his own son.
You are the world's first vegan- turned -Mummy. Time magazine names you "Villain of the Decade."
You try to covert the Invisible Man to a vegan lifestyle. He refuses and devours you.
You play a leading role in the movie. It bombs at the box office and is panned by film critics.

> You get a job at Whole Foods.
You are working at the hot food bar.
A crazy man walks in and accuses you of putting baby snakes in his food. You have a heart attack and die of embarrassment.
Your ghost haunts the produce section.

> You scare a woman in the bulk food section. You say to her...
"We have great bulk raisins here!"
"Let me help you find the nutritional yeast."
"Mmmm Hot Tamales..."
She goes to grab something and then screams when she sees your ghost!
You lean in for a kiss of the screaming woman which calms her down. She faints.
You sit next to her sleeping body and wait for her to wake up.
She wakes up and tells everyone in the store that you are a ghost.
The head of H.R. calls you into her office. She says they fired you for scaring the customers.
You try to tell her it isn't your fault, but she doesn't believe you.

> You file a discrimination lawsuit against Whole Foods.
You win the case and Whole Foods is put out of business.
You eat all their delicious prepared foods before anyone else can get them.
You get cast in the Ghostbusters reboot as Slimer. You eat several crew members.
You die when the movie is released and Bill Murray shoots you on sight.
You are never eaten. You go on to a long and prosperous acting career. Your only food is broccoli.
The moral of the story: Be yourself. Follow your dreams. And if some hot women want to put you in a movie, don't ask why.
Just do it.