You are Dae Xavu, a Korean psychic working in Barcelona. Your predictions always already have happened to your customers. One day you are handing out business cards outside of Casa Batlló, when... "Mr. Dae!" You look up and see a middle-aged woman with auburn hair. "Do you have a second to spare?" "Uh-huh," you say. The woman pulls out a business card and hands it to you. "Well?" she asks. "It's blank," you say. "So..." > You predict her future. You predict that woman will have a heart attack in ten minutes. You write, "The woman will have a heart attack in ten minutes" on the back of her business card. > You set your timer as the woman reads what you wrote. After five minutes the woman asks, "Is it going to be soon?" You nod and she reads what you wrote on the card. "I don't feel anything," she says. You continue waiting. The woman is dejected until she sees Jason, an American psychic who has ice-cold hair, sitting a table across the street. She runs over to him and he predicts her futures as well. Within a month, the woman has moved on to another psychic and you have gotten her old customers. > You call the woman and ask her about her heart attack. You call the woman and ask her about her heart attack. "I'm in the hospital," she says, and you can hear her voice is raspy. You tell her, "Get your checkbook ready and I'll be right there for another psychic reading." "I don't have a checkbook," she says, coughing. "But I can pay you with sexual favors." > You say "What kind sexual favors?" "What kind would you like?" You give her a list of sexual things that you are into: frottage, fellatio, cunnilingus, anilingus, and tribadism. You meet her that night and she asks what you want to do first. "I don't know," You refuse saying you cannot accept sex from a sick person. You tell her to go home, get some rest, and feel better. You send the sick woman a bag of Jason's freezing cold hair that came from his previous haircut. You also tell her to never contact you again. The woman contacts you again. It seems she wants more things like cold hair, cold pizzas, and others. You ignore her messages. Jason visits you at your store and tells you your fortune. You pay him 300 dollars for your fortune. "You will make a lot of money this week," he says. "Thank you." You hear clicks on the other end of the line. A greyhound bus filled with Middle woman get off in front of your apartment and demand you read their fortunes. They have bags of cash that they wave in front of your balcony. "How much?" they ask you in Spanish. You charge them 125 dollars each for psychic readings. You make an excess of 750 dollars a day this week. You predict that all the woman will have heart attacks within the week. The woman all die the next week. You hire a new group of immigrant women for 750 dollars a day. You hire the woman to cover up the story. You make a lot of money this month. The rumors start to spread that you are a fraud. You don't care. > You ask Jason for another psychic reading. You give him a list of things you want to know in your next reading. He charges you 1,000 dollars for the reading. "Other psychics will try to steal your clients," he warns you. "Be careful." > You ask Jason if there is any cunnilingus in your future. You see a woman of your dream in his office. She goes down on you right there and then. "I am your destiny," she tells you. You cannot believe how good her mouth feels on your cock. Your psychic powers have leveled up! You can now predict the following: Tutoring, Nose Jobs, Marriage, Divorce, and Make-up sex. The moral of the story: Always keep your condoms in your pocket.
Dae Xavu, a Korean psychic working in Barcelona
Posted under Episode 194, Story On By Chief