Hua Mulan, a peasant girl living in ancient china during the Han dynasty

Posted under Episode 193, Story On By Chief

You are Hua Mulan, you are a peasant girl living in ancient china during the Han dynasty. The country is been attacked by warrior tribes from Mongolia. The emperor has requested that each family has to contribute one fighting men. Because your father is very old, you decided to take his place. This is dangerous and you can't let them discover that you are a girl. You took your father's sword and armor and arrived at the training camp, where you see fellow enlisted soldiers such as yourself. The training instructor was very cruel, he immediately singled you out and ordered the rest of the soldiers to attack you, while he watched.
You get your ass kicked. Your fellow soldiers took no pity on you and beat the hell out of you. You were forced to climb a tree to escape your attackers. You stayed there all night, and found that tree branches are a very comfortable bed.
Gunnery Sgt. Hartman yells at you to get down from the tree and makes you do 100 pushups for missing morning workout. When he finally allows you to rejoin the rest of the soldiers for training, he finds out that you are a girl. You thought he was going to have a heart attack, and you get another 100 pushups.

> You ask Hartman "How did you know I was a girl?"
"By the size of your chest you dumb ass!" Hartman screams.
The training continues for several weeks.
You train to fight by swinging your massive tits like num-chuks. You spar with fellow soldiers and kick everyone's ass. Hartman see's this and approves. He decides to have you "training" by yourself from now on.
One day a soldier arrives from the palace, he tells you that the Emperor requests your presence at the palace for an important matter. You arrive at the palace and meet the Emperor.
"You are a fine warrior indeed", he tells you, "I want you to join my special guard".
"But I am no gentleman", you protest.
You wear your special armor, which is just a bikini, and guard the pool. You feel like you are being underutilized.
"You are the finest warrior I have ever seen", the Emperor says, "but you are right. It isn't enough. I need someone to dethrone the Empress of Tai-ming."

> You accept the assassination job and sneak into the Empress's bedroom late at night while she is sleeping.
You agree to the Emperor's request, you sneak into the empress bedroom late at night while she is sleeping.
You use Tit Fu to sneak attack the Empress, but it is a decoy, and lights in the room flick on.
"You'll never take me alive, you Mongolian bitch!" You yell and charge forward.
The empress uses her superior speed to avoid your attack.

> You miss the attack and trip over your own breast.
The empress easily disarms you, punches you in the nose. She holds your head underwater until you are dead.
You cough up water and snap back to life. You begin a flurry of tit blows.
"She's getting away", you say.
You grab a dagger and throw it at the Empress, it imbeds itself in her thigh.

> You cast a powerful boobjutsu and crush the empress beneath your breasts.
To your surprise, the empress manages to stand up and fight through the pain of a dagger in her thigh.
You quickly use your skill in boobjutsu to press your massive funbags against the empress face.
She leans in for a kiss.
"Now I will show you paradise", you whisper.
Your eyes roll back into your head and you both pass out.
You wake up in a jail cell, stripped of your armor.
You bust of jail with your boobs, the iron bars are no use for your massive melons!
"Find us some clothes first", you tell your companion.
You find a maid outfit, which is just a shirt and panties, but it will have to do.
You meet the Emperor in his throne room.

> You and the Empress challenge the Emperor to a giant bazoomba knockers fight.
You and the Empress go head to head in a knock out fight for control of the empire.
The Emperor is knocked unconscious, but the Empress manages to grab your boob and twist it backwards. The pain is palpable.
You break free and say your famous catchphrase:
"It's all over now, Kamapala."
You eliminate the empress. You and the Emperor decide to work together to create a new era of peace for the world.
The moral of the story: Everyone should have giant breasts.