Daniel Danson, an office worker that who is running late for work

Posted under Episode 169, Story On By Chief

You are Daniel Danson, an office worker that who is running late for work. Your boss has a strict dress code. When you enter the office building, you look down and realize that you're in your boxers. You grab one of your co-workers, named Jeremy, and take him into the broom closet. You knock Jeremy to the ground and take his suit. After getting dressed, you go to the meeting room. The boss compliments your suit before asking where Jeremy is. You shrug and say you haven't seen him.
You are John Doe, a police detective. You are at the office building to question the owner of a stolen car. After the questioning you go to the restroom.
Your boss enters and sees you wearing a trench coat and playing detective during work hours. He fires you for impersonating a police officer.

> You fire him for impersonating a boss.

In a surprise twist, your boss is fired.

> You hear a noise coming from the broom closet, and remember that you forgot about Jeremy. You throw open the door and find Neo inside. He tells you that you are in the matrix.
You are Morpheus, a computer hacker. One day you meet a man that will change your life forever.

You are Trinity, a member of the elite hacker group The Matrix.

> You shed your many identities and declare yourself to be Daniel Danson, now and forever.

In that case, you are no longer Trinity. You are simply Daniel, and you live happily ever after.

> You leave work and take the bus home.

You exit the building and find a city covered in wires and virtual billboards. An aggressively abrupt man in a black suit ushers you into a bus. You enter and find that you are the only passenger.
You walk up to the man, knock him to the ground, and take his clothes.
You are John.
You are a police detective.

> You use your detective skills and find out what's going on here.
You walk into a nearby restaurant and ask the waiter for a job. The restaurant is hiring, so you fill out some paperwork and get the job. The chef asks you to go shopping for groceries.
At the grocery store, you see Agent Smith holding the exact groceries you need. You reach for your phone, but realize it isn't there. You turn to walk away, but Smith stops you. "Remember," he says, "I know that you're growing mutants in your basement!"

> You rush home to check on the mutants in your basement.

You return to your home and find your closet and basement in flames. The police arrive and rush inside. You see a charred body stumble out of the house. It is Agent Smith.

> You say "Why the mutants? They haven't done anything to anyone. They were innocent!"

The police ignore you and handcuff you. The handcuffs are soft, but you know they are tough enough to hold an orca. You are taken to court, where the judge bangs his gavel.
The judge sends you to the county orca jail when you await trial. The orca jail is fairly comfortable, and you have a nice cell all to yourself. You eat delicious meals 3 times a day.
One day, you are visited by your parents.
Your mother and father say to you...

"We know you didn't do it, and we'll prove it."
or...
"You're a disgrace to this family. When you get out, don't come home."

> You join an orca gang while in jail, but you don't tell them that your parents are orca hunters.

You adjust quickly to orca life. You become a full fledged member of the orca gang within a month.
One day you are showering when you are approached by a huge Orca inmate called Sea-quis. "I've heard of you," Sea-quis says, "You've been in for a month and you haven't told anyone what gang you're in. Why not?

> You stab Sea-quis with a shank.

You pull out a shank and stab Sea-quis in the eye. Blood gushes from his socket, and you know he can never be a pirate with just one good eye.

> You say "Join my gang or die"

You are sentenced to life in prison. After a month in prison the warden tells you that you are free to go.

"What?" you ask.
"You're free to go,"

> You see Free Willy standing behind the warden. He winks at you.

You wink back.
You walk out of prison and into the sunlight. Your orca friends have sent you a bus ticket home.