You are Bob. You are a tomato farmer. One day you are picking tomatoes in your greenhouse when you look down and discover... Tomatoes that look like little baby faces! But then you hear a shrieking noise, and you suddenly realize you left the gate to the greenhouse open. You know this was sabotage by John Moistfarmer. He has a rivalry with you, and also does not like the way you are working conditions for his employees. You know he went into the greenhouse recently to steal one of your patents. You get a call from an executive at Monsanto, he tells you that you should meet him and discuss this patent problem. The Monsanto headquarters is in St. Louis, Missouri. You hear the baby faced tomatoes begin to speak to you. They say... 9. You meet with Monsanto. They ask you if John MoistFarmer is your rival, and you say... "I hate him more than anyone or anything on Earth!" You make a deal with the company. You agree to hand over the baby-faced-tomato patent, and in exchange you can have three of your other tomato patents transferred over into Monsanto's name. > You realize you have gotten the bad end of the deal with Monsanto. You realize you have been ripped off, but it is too late. You take your remaining money and buy a large batch of baby-faced-tomato seeds to grow. > You grow and raise a baby faced tomato singing army to destroy Monsanto. Year after year you grow and raise a baby faced tomato singing army to wage war on the Monsanto Company. Year after year you lose the battle, and are forced to retreat deeper into the wilderness of the Lost Empire. One day, a special tomato is born. You realize he will lead your army to greatness. You name Alexander the Grape. One day while you sleep, a bird kicks a grape from your garden, landing in the mouth of a sleeping Alexander the Grape. The sun's rays warm his face, so he wakes up. > You continue Alexander's battle training for the day. Year after year you train Alexander the Grape. With his help, your army has managed to break through the defenses of the evil John MoistFarmer. > You capture John MoistFarmer and have him tried in a war tribunal for crimes against nature. The tribunal finds John MoistFarmer guilty of crimes against nature, you sentence him to death by drowning in a vat of grape juice. Year after year you wage war on the evil Monsanto Company. One day Alexander the Grape asks you "Why do you hate Monsanto Company"? "The people that run the Monsanto Company have caused pain and suffering to many", you explain. Year after year, the crimes of the Monsanto Company continue to grow. > You send Alexander and the tomato to Monsanto Headquarters. You tell them to eat all the patent documents. Year after year you wage war on the evil Monsanto Company. Year after year you lose the battle, and are forced to retreat deeper into the wilderness of the Lost Empire. One day, a special tomato is born. You name the special tomato Mari Nara and it grows to monstrous proportions and single handedly takes down Monstanto. Year after year you live happily ever after. The End.
Bob, a tomato farmer
Posted under Episode 169, Story On By Chief