Ebony Evans, an air conditioner saleswoman

Posted under Episode 158, Story On By Chief

You are Ebony Evans, an air conditioner saleswoman. You are the worst air conditioner salesperson at the appliance store you work at, but you love your job. Your boss is threatening to fire you if you don't sell an air conditioner today. The day is almost over, and an old lady walks in to the store. You ask her if she wants to buy an air conditioner…

You are just here to browse, thank you.
You slam the door on the old lady's face and turn around.
"You have a tough day?" your boss asks.


> You say "Yes, I didn't sell any air conditioners."
"I'm sorry to hear that. What's new in your life?"


> You say "Nothing much. Tell me what's going on in your life."
"I got a marriage proposal last week."
"That's nice. Did you accept?

"I did."
You are alone now.


> You confess to your boss that you have been secretly in love with him for 17 years.
"You have?"
"Yes."
"I'm sorry. I would have accepted if you had told me earlier. Let's get married."
You are getting married now.


> You ask to meet the woman your boss was going to marry.
"I'll send an e-mail to remind her of our wedding. I don't want to trouble a busy person like her," your boss says.

The next day, a woman in a pantsuit shows up to the store. She introduces herself as Melanie, and says she was planning to marry your boss. You ask her if she wants to buy an air conditioner. 

She says, "I don't want to buy an air conditioner.


> You say "Well I guess the weddings off then, am I right?"
"We are not getting married."
"I'll sell her an air conditioner. The wedding won't be off, right?" you ask.
"Right," says your boss.
Melanie looks very sad.


> You say "Melanie, would you like to come to our wedding?"
"I don't want to ruin your relationship."
You tell your boss that she would like to come to your wedding. He asks her if she wants to use the store's discount for the wedding.


> You get married in the store, you have all the AC units on, so it is very cold.
"How can people get married in this kind of cold weather?"
"There won't be a wedding if you don't turn on all the air conditioners," says your boss.
You are getting married now.

You run around turning off all the conditioners. Melanie runs around turning them all back on. Your boss stands there and watches. 

"What's going on?" he says.
You and your boss get married and have a miserable relationship for many years.


> You plan to have an air conditioner fall on your husband.
You ask your husband to help you carry in an AC unit. You struggle with it, and it falls on top of him. He dies a few hours later.
Your boss holds a funeral for your husband.


> You act flirty around your new boss at the funeral.
You put your arms around him and tell him that you knew he would care for you.
The day after the funeral, your boss tells you to leave his house. You are homeless now.


> You say "Nature is the ultimate air conditioner."
Your warmth and passion for nature inspires your boss to buy a house in the woods. He gets bitten by a snake and dies.
You are homeless now.
You go on to become a highly respected ecologist.


> You begin to campaign against the use of air conditioners because they are bad for the environment.
You become so influential that one day you persuade everyone to turn off their ACs. The world is now cold and icy enough that it begins to make a full circle and as a result the human population dies out.