Roger Slepentin, Wedding Singer

You are a Roger Slepentin who is expected to sing at your cousin's wedding. On the day of the wedding, you realize you forgot to bring song lyrics, so you make-up your own song. You say, "My cousin is quite the guy. He knows how to tell a lie. He wants to throw his in-laws into the sky. He eats way too much pie. He made my favorite pet die. When nobody's looking, he likes to get high." Your cousin shakes his fist at you.
 Your aunt gives you "the look." Your other cousins laugh at you.


> You grab the mic and start telling embarrassing details about your cousins.
You grab the mic and start telling embarrassing details about your cousins. Your family is furious. You don't care because you're having so much fun singing this song!


> You start to do your amateur stand-up comedy routine for the crowd.
You start to do your amateur stand-up comedy routine for the crowd. Nobody gets your jokes but you continue to crack yourself up.

You start singing sexually suggestive lyrics about the bride. She likes it. 
The wedding guests all join in. Suddenly, a bunch of Orcs raid the party. Several party guests are slaughtered. You find yourself stabbed and shot several times.


> You run to the kitchen area of the Sauron Catering and Events Center. An orc chases you.
You successfully escape the orc! Unfortunately, you also escape the center. You are now in the middle of a war zone. A flying magical carriage speeds by and fires a missile at you.


> You cast your force field bubble spell.
Your spell works! The missile hits the force field and shatters into a million pieces. Unfortunately, you are also inside the force field.


> You fortunately, you are unharmed. You shake a fist at the carriage and it circles around. Someone pokes their head out of the window...
The missile explodes.

Shards of the missile disfigure your Cousin's face. He falls out of the carriage and you run to save him.
 Unfortunately, he dies instantaneously...

Right before your cousin dies, he hands you his crown and states that you are the new king of the realm.

You are now the king. The realm falls into anarchy and eventually the king is overthrown.


> You sing at your Cousin's funeral and apologize to the people for rapid deterioration since the kingdom has been under your rule.
Your singing voice sounds like a dying cat and everyone is offended. The kingdom falls into anarchy and rebel armies rise up against you. Soon, you are captured by the rebels.


> You sing the following lyrics to the rebels. "Yo, yo, let me go, my bros. Why you captured me, nobody knows. One thing we agree on: We don't love them ho's."
Your singing voice sounds like a dying cat and everyone is offended. The rebels cut you and your soldiers in half.


> You call Tom Jones to sing and summon the orcs to save you.
As soon as Tom Jones arrives, you and he start singing "It's Not Unusual." You summon the orcs to come save you. The orcs arrive and stab all the rebels.


> You form a new alliance with the sex Orcs. You agree to marry their Sex Orc Queen.
You marry the Sex Orc Queen and your alliance with the Orcs is restored. Together you rule the kingdom for many years and manage to restore peace once again...
You later die peacefully in your sleep.