Guy Fieri at a birthday party

Posted under Episode 152, Story On By Chief

You are a Guy Fieri, a guy who is being invited to his best friend's birthday party. You ask what you're supposed to wear and you are told to wear a nice suit. You think this means you're supposed to wear your birthday suit. On the day of the party, you drive to your friend's house. After getting there, you take off your clothes and go inside. The other party guests look offended. Your friend's dad is so grossed-out that he vomits on the cake and passes out.
 You and the rest of the guests try to exit the house as fast as you can, but a bunch of men in hazmat suits stop you.

You run away and hide in a bush
. A police officer finds you and begins shooting at you with a shotgun. You are hit in the chest with buckshot and killed instantly.

You friend's Dad thankfully is an EMT and revives you on the scene. After stitching you up, he vomit on your wounds.
 You realize that there was poison in the cake and your friend had set you up.
"BAD FRIEND! NO PRESENT FOR YOU!"


> You grab a shotgun from a cop and shoot your friend in the chest.
You grab the shotgun from the cop and shoot your friend in the chest. He falls to the floor and blood oozes out of his chest.
You are arrested for murder and sent to prison. Your life is over.

You get a job in the prison kitchen.
 One day a large black man enters. He is six foot five and three hundred pounds of muscle. His eyes are wild with rage and he looks like an animal. You know who this is, the notorious Simon Says killer.


> You say "Wow! I'm a big fan of yours! I've read all the books about you."
You say you're a big fan of his and shake his hand. You pull your hand away and look at the hand he shook. There's something on it. You quickly scan your surroundings.

You realize Simon has handed you drugs. 
Your life is over.


> You start baking the drugs into the food.
You start making the food with the drugs in it. The prisoners eat the food and are brought to the infirmary. While you were cooking, guards burst into the kitchen and arrest you.


> You say "I'm already in jail, dummies. Do your worst. "
The guards shove a hunk of ham in your mouth and hold it open. The warden comes in with a giant needle. He sticks the needle into your throat and pumps you full of drugs. You die instantly.


> You wake up in the morgue and look around. The drugs have worn off.
You quickly look around the room. There's a man lying next to you. You think he's dead. You notice the top of his skull has been cut off and his brains have been sucked out.

You realize you have been sent to the Cannibal Kitchen, a rumored section of the prison. A man enters wearing a bloody apron. "Call me Warden Ramsey," he tells you. 
His voice is deep and angry. He tells you that you must prove your worth as a human being or he'll eat you. He gives you a knife and offers you a choice of three doors.


> You choose the middle door and wink at Warden Ramsey.
You choose the door in the middle and wink at Warden Ramsey. He begins to shake and a tear falls down his cheek. "Thank you, that was all I needed to finally move on from my painful past."


> You walk out the door to freedom.
You walk out the door to freedom.


> You visit Warden Ramsey in prison as a free man.
You visit Warden Ramsey in prison as a free man. You are given a choice of the three doors.


> You choose the middle door confidently.
You choose the middle door confidently. You are suddenly shoved into a wood chipper.