Gilbert Gottfried

Posted under Episode 150, Story On By Chief

You are Gilbert Goddfreid, the funniest man on Earth. Your biggest enemy is a guy named Jim who doesn't understand your brilliance.
 Why can't the world see how funny you are? Your jokes are like fine wines; they get better with age.

You hear a knock on your trailer door.

"What?" you grunt.

the trailer park landlord knocks on the door again and yells "You're late on the rent again!"

"So what?" you yell back, "I'm a funny guy, I don't have to pay rent."
"I'm gonna sell your possessions if you don't pay up by the end of the week!"


> You say "Can I pay you in jokes?"
"Sure," says the landlord.
You write twenty of your best jokes on a piece of paper and hand it to the landlord. He stares at it and his eyes begin to water.

"These are the best jokes I've ever heard in my life," he says, "I'll give you until the end of the week." He runs out of the trailer, still crying.

you see your neighbor Jim standing on his front lawn staring at you. He has hate in his eyes.

"What are you looking at, Jim?" you yell.
"Nothing," he says and goes inside his house.
Something is very wrong here.

You get in your car, but you hear a ticking sound and dive out of it.
 The car explodes and you are thrown into the street. A shadowy figure stands above you. It's Jim.
"Why did you do that?" you yell, "You're not even funny!"

Jim says "neither are you"
 and shoots you with a pistol. You die soon afterwards.


> You wake as a ghost and haunt Jim in his house. Jim drops the tray of muffins he was baking.
"What the heck?" he says.
You rattle the chains that bind you to this earth. Jim notices you and screams. He grabs his shotgun and fires at you.

Jim yells "Your even more annoying in the afterlife!" and he reveals the truth behind his hatred.
 He says that he had been trying to make it as a stand-up comedian for years but no one would give him a chance because you had already made history as the funniest man alive.


> You say "I'm flattered, but I'm also dead now. If you can figure out a way to bring me back to life, I will teach you comedy."
You hate Jim and want him to suffer, but being dead is bad for your comedy career. Jim agrees and says he knows a way to bring you back.
 He explains that he's the only one who can bring you back because if he called the cops or the fire department they would know he murdered you and also it would take too long.

Jim brings you back to life by attaching jumper cables from his car to your dead body.
 It hurts a lot and you punch him in the face when you come back to life. He shows you how to do the comedy bits he learned from watching your DVD's.


> You go to Jim's open mic comedy night and watch his set.
The crowd is large and very receptive to Jim's comedy. He gets a big laugh when he points at you and says "I bet you're all wondering what this dead guy doing on the stage."


> You roast Jim to show him who the better comic is.
The whole crowd laughs at Jim. He tries to continue, but the laughs overwhelm him and he leaves the stage in shame. You chase after him, still intent on teaching him a lesson.

Jim cries and says "You tricked me. I should have left you dead."

You try to think of something funny to say in reply, but then you realize that that would be out of character for a ghost and it's best to just leave. You float away from the club and disappear forever.


> You open a comedy club in Purgatory.
You become a ghost that haunts your own comedy club in purgatory. Every night you watch comics try out their new material. Your favorite is when hack comedians do incredibly racist bits.