Rowdy Rollins, Reader of Rights

Posted under Episode 149, Story On By Chief

You are Rowdy Rollins, Reader of Rights.

You are walking through the park reading everyone their rights, where they want to hear it or not.

The kids are all playing in the mud and running around like idiots, but you can tell that they know what is going on. They know that if they don't behave, they will get beat up. You see a little girl about your age sitting by herself with her head down looking sad. She doesn't look angry or anything, just sad.

You say "You have the right to be sad."

The girl looks up at you and smiles, then she hugs you and says "Thank you!" Then she runs off crying.

You Now you feel better but now you're curious about girls.

So you go back to the children's area and ask them who the new kid is.

You inform the kids in the mud "You have the right to defend yourselves, and the new cute girl has the right to give me her phone number, if she wants.".

The kids cheer and run after the girl. "What did you do?" one asks you. "I gave her my phone number," you reply. "That was so cool! I'm gonna call her!" You laugh and pat her shoulder. You continue walking along the path, when suddenly you notice something odd.

There are no cars in this neighborhood anymore. The only traffic is people walking here and there. It seems as though the world has changed. Suddenly you hear someone calling for help from another part of the park. You turn and see two men dressed in black clothing chasing a young woman in red. One of the men is holding a baseball bat while the other holds a pistol.

You tell the woman, "You have the right to blow your whistle." You tell the men they are under citizen's arrest.

> You blow Your Whistle You blow your whistle blowing into it. Everyone stops whatever they were doing and starts running towards the sound. Soon the police arrive and shoot one of the men in the chest. He falls to the ground and begins screaming out in pain. The second man shoots him twice more before he even hits the ground.

You instantly loose your innocence.

You are now a criminal and you must pay for your crimes.

You tell the judge you have the right to represent yourself in court.

> You testify You stand up and begin to speak. "My name is Rowdy Rollins and I am a witness to these events". "Your honor, I would like to make a statement as well". "Yes, let us proceed with our trial," Judge Hoffman says. "But first we need to find out who is the real killer".

You present your evidence to prove your innocence.

The judge listens intently and nods his head. "It appears that the murder weapon was used against the victim and the killer had already fled the scene of the crime before the police arrived. Therefore, I believe you". You get up from your seat and walk over to the window. A dark figure approaches the park. You watch it until it disappears behind some trees.

You open the window and chase him down. You tackle the real killer to the ground and read him his rights.

"Mr. Rollins, I'm sure you've been wondering why the judge allowed you to plead guilty. Well, I'll tell you straight away. The reason why the judge allowed you to plead guilty is because he felt sorry for you. In fact, I think he'd rather you didn't take any time off work and instead stay here in jail than face a jury trial".

You say "I am a child"

"I know, but you're still a grown man and you should know better than to try to kill someone. That's not how adults act. Besides, I thought you were an adult, so I knew you were mature enough to understand the consequences of your actions. And lastly, I wanted to make sure you got the punishment you deserved".

You drag the man to jail and tell the judge he has the right to try him for murder.

After a few days pass, you are released. You are free again.

You Now you got hoes to put in check.

A year passes... Year 16 "Rowdy, I gotta talk to you about something". You stand outside the house with your brother Johnny standing nearby. Johnny answers "Sure, come on inside". You enter the house and sit down on the sofa. "Hey bro, whatcha thinkin' bout?"

You you're thinkin bout these hoes you haven't put in check yet.

Johnny sits next to you. "Well, I reckon you ought ta leave town, Rowdy. There ain't no point in hanging around here anymore. We can't hang out anymore either cause we're both too busy, but I dunno, you could always move in with me and my sister Mary. We live across town and we got a nice big basement room for ya".

You scream in a murderous rage!

"Don't fuckin' tempt me boy!". Johnny laughs and grabs his arm. "Come on, don't be scared of us. Just come on in and chill with us". You walk into the living room and see a bunch of old ladies sitting around playing cards and smoking cigarettes. They look pretty bored and uninteresting.

You ask the ladies if they would like to work as prostitutes for you.

They all agree to it. You decide to go back home and wait for Johnny to pick you up. You return home and sit on the couch. Johnny comes into the room. "So whatcha think? Do you want to work or play card games tonight?". You nod your head. "Great".

You you pull out a gat and a magic 8 ball.

"Now Johnny, when you draw a number, you hit it with the magic 8 ball. When it bounces off the wall, it means you did it right. If it doesn't bounce at all, then you failed. What do you think?", Johnny asks. You answer. "That's right, I think I did it right". Johnny smiles. "Good job kid!"