You are Rosh Dubsberry. You are the son of the Pie King. You are in line to inherit his pie kingdom and millions of dollars with it. You hate your father the pie king. You run away from home and start a grunge band. You are in the middle of a gig when you notice someone in the audience that looks familiar. "Hey, what's this?" It is none other than the legendary rock star Meatloaf! He has been playing for an older couple at the back of the crowd, but he hadn't noticed you until now. "I was just here a few minutes ago," you say. "I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself". Meatloaf smiles. You find out Meatloaf is really good friends with your dad, and he thinks your dad is a great guy. This makes you mad. When Meatloaf asks you your name, you lie and say, "I'm Ranley.". Meatloaf laughs. "Ran-LAY? That's pretty funny. How old are you?" "Twenty-six". "Oh, well I'm glad to hear it. Well, do you have any money?" "No". "Well, we can talk about that later". Meatloaf offers you a record deal under his new independent record label: Meatloaf Music Inc. You accept and start recording your first album called... THE SLEEP OF THE LIVING DEAD!!! The next day, Meatloaf comes into your room looking very excited. "We're going to make a lot of money today!" he says. "We'll be millionaires!" "Yeah!" you agree enthusiastically. "Let's go sell all our records!". "Sure", you reply. You immediately begin to hate yourself for being a sellout. > You refuse to play for Meatloaf You decide not to play for Meatloaf. "Fuck Meatloaf!" you exclaim. "He doesn't want me. Fuck him!" Meatloaf chuckles. "No, no, I get it. I understand. But you gotta believe in yourself. You gotta keep pushing yourself". You Your eyes fill with tears at Meatloaf's kindness. You decide to give up all your worldly possessions and follow Meatloaf. The rest of the year goes by as you travel across America, selling thousands of copies of your record. Soon, you've made enough money to buy a van and become a full time roadie for Meatloaf. "What kind of music do you like?", Meatloaf asks one night while driving you around town. "Anything by Sonic Youth or Fugazi!", you answer proudly. You see Meatloaf to begin eating a blueberry pie that was produced in your father pie factory. The pie reminds you of your father and you take it out of Meatloaf's hands and smash it on the ground. You then run away crying. A few months pass and Meatloaf decides to move you to Los Angeles where he wants to open a new meat packing plant. You're sad to leave your family behind, but you feel like you've got nowhere else to go. You get the Meat Packing Plant up and running. In your spare time, you work on an album of songs about your father. You call the album, "This Is Not About My Father.". One day, Meatloaf walks into your studio and sees your song "This is Not About My Father". "That's my song!" he says happily. "It's so beautiful, I wanna use some of that shit for my next album!" You look at Meatloaf in disbelief. "Why would you want to use my song for your next album?" You ask. "Because it sounds exactly like my Dad's pie factory!" Meatloof replies. Your face gets red with anger. "How dare you steal my song?!" You shout angrily. Meatloof pats you on the shoulder. "Don't worry, this won't happen again. We'll always be best friends". You say "FUCK YOU MEATLOAF! MY DAD HAS A PIE FACTORY AND I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!" and you run out of the studio crying and whimpering. Years pass... Your life has changed forever. Now you live alone in a small apartment building in the city, working as a roadie for Meatloaf. You don't have much money, but you manage to scrape together enough to pay rent and food. You hear a knock on your office door. It is your father. You are not happy to see him, but he is happy to see you. "I brought you some pie," he tells you. It is a box full of money. "Thanks, Dad," you say. "But I still think you should stop making money off my songs". "Well, I suppose you could put your ass in front of the cameras and sing them instead". "No, Dad, I can't do that. I love you!" "Then why did you run away from home?" "I couldn't stay there anymore. I had to try something different, something more fun..". "Hmm, yes, I know what you mean, but I just can't let you go back to your old ways. I need you to be a part of my band". You start a father and son band writing catchy jingles for the Pie Factory, you hit #1 in the charts for your song "Sweet Cherry Pie". "Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were living in LA", you say. "Oh, well I moved here after my dad died last year, because I felt like I needed to be closer to my roots. And now, I'm glad I did, because I feel like I'm really getting to know you better every day".
Rosh Dubsberry, son of the Pie King and next in line to inherit the pie kingdom
Posted under Episode 142, Story On By Chief