EP376 #3

Posted under EP376 #3, Story On By Chief

You are Donkey Kong. You are the leader of the bunch, everybody knows you well. You are finally back to kick some tail. Your coconut gun can fire in spurts. As you shoot others, its gonna hurt. You are bigger and faster and stronger too. You're the first member of the DK Crew!

Now you have a plan. You will use your speed to outrun the other Kongs who are chasing after you.
You look back and yell, "What did I do wrong?"

"Don't worry about that," says another voice. It's your sister, Dixie. She is on the island with you and she wants to know what happened to you.
You reveal your troubled past to Dixie. After that, she tells you that while you were gone, something wacked happened to her too. Her boyfriend got turned into a rabbit!
you pat Dixie on the shoulder and say "you've got style, you've got grace, but now your boyfriend has a funny face" and laugh.
"Leave me alone," Dixie's boyfriend says. "The whole world has gone crazy, now my girlfriend is a kangaroo and my best friend is a monkey!"
Your laughter is interrupted when Dixie's boyfriend tells you the King K. Rool was behind his tranformation.
Dixie's boyfriend goes on to say that he wants revenge on the Kremlins. You tell him that is a "really neat idea" but soon realize revenge will have to wait.
you chug a banana milkshake and say "Banana slamma" and feel a little better.
"Really," your sister remarks. "Why were those green Kremlings after you in the first place? I thought they lived in that mountain."
You tell Dixie, "I stole their bananas and left a big pile of Kong shit in it's place."
Dixie still wonders why the Kremlings are so mean to you. You say that it's because she once dumped green paint all overthing them and their mountain.
"Now I know why."
> You gather up your monkey crew and head to the mountain.
"Look," you say. "We gotta get those bananas back. Those Kremlings are gonna do stuff to me and my friends that we can't even imagine now. They'll turn us into things, or worse!"
you whistle and summon Rambi the rhino to take you and Dixie to Mt. Kremling. Rambi is glad to help, though he finds it odd that you want to go there in the first place.
You explain on the way and Rambi gives you some solid advice: "You gotta have balls to do this."
he pounds his hairy chest to drive home the point. When you reach the base of the mountain, he takes off. You wave him goodbye.
Mt. Kremling looms above you, a dark and ominous presence, as you approach the entrance
"We're not gonna make it," Dixie panics.
She could be right.
you enter a mineshaft that has a low buzzing noise coming from it. you see a minecart and cant resist. You jump on and cling to the edges. It feels like you are moving through treacle. The low humming noise is coming from the minecart, which is powered by the minecart's five engines.
> You hop on the minecart and head directly to King K.Rool's quarters.
You inch your way to the front of the cart and stop it. "I'm getting off here," you say, hopping off.
"We're too close to the Kremlings!"
You run head first right into King K.Rool himself.  You see he is about to attack, but you quickly direct his attention to all the banana's that you have brought back to him.  Unfortunately the banana's are extremely ripe and discolored.
"What's all this?" He questions.
You jump sideways and take Dixie with you, anticipating an attack. You were right to do so, as the tyrant quickly takes a swing at the two of you.
you slip K.Rool's punch and slap him with your very calloused Konkey Dong. He reels backwards, rubbing his face.
"How did you get those bananas so ripe so fast?"
You explain how you stole the Kremlings' mountain and that they were chasing you.
> You offer him a banana peacefully.
"Peaceful?" he asks. "I think not." He speeds himself up and fires at you!
You barely dodge his attack and offer the one thing you know King K.Rool want's more than anything else: bananas.
"How do you know I don't want something else?"
"Because you're a big, fat, banana loving shit."
The moral of the story: don't insult a monkey if you want to make friends.
Saved by the banana, you telepathically send Dixie a message to let her know what's going on.