You are Misa. You have just received a letter in the mail congratulating you on your acceptance to "Hoagiewartz, school of sandwich Wizardry." "So I guess this means I get to be a wizard?" you ask. Misa smiles and nods her head. "Yes, it does indeed! Now that's what I've been waiting for!" > You take the magical bus to Hoagiewartz. The next day, you board the magical bus with Misa. The trip is uneventful; however, when you arrive at the school, there are already several people standing outside welcoming you. The dean of the school welcomes you to school orientation with a heartfull speech. You are then given a schedule and shown your new room, as well as your roommate. You're lead to Misa, who is wearing similar clothing to you. you ask the rest of your classmates "Are we named Misa?" The room turns to look at you. "Yes, we are. Dean Hoagie told us today that we will all be using the name Misa for the duration of our stay here in magic school." > You make friends with a smart girl named Hamione. The next day, you walk to class with Misa. You talk about classes and friends you have each made so far. Finally, you reach your class, which is filled to the brim. you take a seat next to Rye Wheatling, and take out your book for Condiments 101. The class begins, and your professor begins by showing the class a jar of Mustard. > You say "Rye raises his hand and says "I'm allergic to mustard" Rye nods nervously as the professor shows everyone else how to read the label. After the demonstration, you raised your hand, and the professor called on you. "Yes, Mr. Smiley?" he asks. You ask the professor if you can bring a note from the front of the class. The rest of your friends are snickering quietly, and the whole class leans forward to hear what you have to say. You read your recipe for the perfect condiment: "One jar of mayonnaise, five tablespoons of sweet pickle relish, three quarters of a cup of sugar, and one and a quarter cups of ketchup." The class is speechless and everyone is starring at you. The professor walks up and puts his hand on your shoulder and says, "Why, Mr. Smiley! That's the most wonderful recipe for mayo I've ever heard! You correct the professor and tell him, "It's called remoulade." The entire class bursts into laughter, and the professor looks at you. "That's what we're calling it, Mr. Smiley," he says. > You smile and wink at Hamoine and sit down. You wait until class ends yo chat with Hamoine. The rest of the day goes by slow, as does the next. Finally, in the middle of the week, classes are over. You walk out the door with your friends, and into the cool autumn air. You put on the sorting hairnet and are selected to House Grillfyndor. You walk up the steps into the drakness that is the great hall of Hoagiefest. A witch comes out from behind a curtain and sits on a throne at the far end of the hall. She eats a small piece of what appears to be some sort of fire child, and says "Please put your name into the hat." After everyone has their turn, the witch draws out a colorfully wrapped present. You turn to your friends and try to remember what you learned in Sorting practices as a first year. You dash forward and bow politely. you call out "M'lady!" The witch replies, "I am NOT M'Lady, you are to address me by my proper title: the Sand Witch." You stutter "Apologies, The Sand Witch." Your face turns deep shades of red as the attention moves to your friends. The Sand Witch proceeds to call on the first child, Odd Greasey. Hoagrid storms into the assembly and runs up to tell you, "Misa you are a Hoagie Harry!" Then he does his signature flip off of the stage and gets covered in pig blood. Luckily, Hoagrig doesn't need to wear a hairnet because of his beautiful hair net. The moral of the sandwich: Lie, cheat, steal, and flip. We've done all of the above and made it to Hoagiefest. Hopefully, fuckery and good times are in our future.