EP372 #3

Posted under EP372 #3, Story On By Chief

You are Karl Lingers, a 42 year old man who works as a Lawyer.  One day you find out that, through a clerical error, you never actually Graduated from High School. Because of this you have to go back to your old High School and get your GED so you can keep your job at the Law Firm.	"‘‘"Well, I guess you could say it was fate that brought me here.
you start your first day of school in band class. You have a choose an instrument to play. There is a clarinet, a flute, and a bassoon. The teacher tells you to pick one and start practicing on it. You look around the room and see all kinds of instruments.
> You look up and see the teacher is a beautiful woman about your age.  Her name is miss Frizzle.
You walk over to the beautiful woman and ask what you should play. She suggests the bassoon. You weren't expecting that.
You go over to the bassoon and start to practice.
> You play "So hot for teacher" on the basoon and poop your pants as you hit the high note.
You have fun playing the bassoon and miss Frizzle seems pleased. When the bell rings you are surprised to see how late it is. You rush to get home to see your mother.
"Are you home mom?"
You shout upstairs, "I just took a massive dump in my pants."
Mom comes running down the stairs
She smiles and exclaims, "That's great!"
You say, "I think I just followed through. Got toilet paper? eau de toilette"
"Of course." She says and runs into the kitchen.
"I have to go tonight so make yourself something for dinner."
as Mom rushes out the door she says "there's hot dogs thawing in the sink."
Not knowing what else to do you rush out and get in your car.
You noticed your mom was acting very weird, so you decide to follow her and see where she goes.
You drive to a house across town and notice she walksinto through thebackyard enters the shed. It seems your mom has a second kitchen in that shed.
You surprise your mom in the shed and reveal your troubled past.You explain that you have had many jobs but have never graduated High School. You also mention how relationships haven't worked out for you.
Mom looks at you and explains, "You've always been a good kid. This has really had an effect on you hasn't it? Being called an orphan has made you feel helpless and vulnerable." She touches your cheek and continues, "Would you like to come in and use the other bathroom to clean up? I have some other chicken I can make for dinner tonight."
You clean yourself up and get ready for chicken in a strange house.  While you eat your dinner, you tell your mom that you can't continue to be a lawyer if you don't get your GED in a month.  You tell her it is kind of similar to Billy Madison.
You decide to get a temporary job as you continue to try to graduate. The temporary job is at an antique shop where you learn about the stock market from the owner.
You meet the owner: Leena Klammer screaming "I'm an orphan!" in the middle of the antique store. She seems normal otherwise. You try to learn as much as you can from her about the stock market.
You get the following three tips about the stock market:
Buy on bad news, like when a company releases bad financial information.
Hold long-term, if you start to make money then you are probably doing okay.
Don't follow the herd by buying and selling when others do.
Leena knows that you are trying to graduate like she once did. She says it is important to go for your dreams and live a full life.
You realize that you don't need your GED to get the dream job you've always wanted: working at a game studio designing games.
There are lots of odd jobs for game designers online but you still need some work experience under your belt.
You work in a few garage bands to build your artistic skills.
you pitch a game where you play a bassoon in a garage band. you call it "Bassoon Hero"
The game gets approved and you get hired to work at Rainy Frog games making a game about an amatuer band in a garage.
You realize that being a game designer is the job for you.
Development is rough, but you learn a lot in the months to come.  The game finally gets released and you read some of the reviews:
"The controls feel clunky."
"Boss battles are lame."
"Where is the vs mode?'"
It wasn't a flop, but it wasn't good enough to bring you lots of fans.
You announce to everyone on twitter that you are an orphan. It brings new attention to your work, but doesn't gain you any new fans.
At the end of the year you realize you don't like working at Rainy Frog, the office politics are horrible.
You start your own game development studio and call it West Coast Games. You work hard all year developing your first games that are merely OK. Your company goes broke and you have to take a minimum wage job at a movie rental store.
a group of kids come up to the counter and put a copy of "bassoon hero" down and say "we heard this game is awful. we want to rent it"
You explain that it is currently out of Rentals.
a teenage girl walks up and sees you working. "You working here? That's awesome! Can you direct this movie I am starring in?"
You excitedly say, "Yes!" and she responds, "Do you have a high school diploma?"
You remember all that has transpired in the last twelve months. You have no diploma and you are behind a counter at a movie rental store. Your life is basically over...
She tells you the name of her movie and you remember that it is called "see you later". You have no choice but to rent her the movie.Later that night you watch it and realize that it was a complete failure.
You pick up your bassoon and play your favorite song: Smoke on the Water.
The moral of the story: High school should have rock bands in them.