EP371 #3

Posted under EP371 #3, Story On By Chief

You were Chad Hutchinson. After being exposed to an irradiated can of Vick's VapoRub, you now believe your name is Vick. There were no other effects. You are not a mutant or anything like that. It was just one of those things."
> You discover you can heal people by rubbing their chests.
"I'm sorry, but I don't think we have time for this," the doctor says. "We're going to be here awhile and it would be best if you didn't get sick."
You tell your doctor, "I lost my clothes, so I'll take a pile of clothes from Cory. I'm sure he wouldn't mind."  But then when you try to take the clothes, they turn into a mutant beast. It tries to bite you, but you manage to strangle it to death.
"What the heck was THAT thing?" asks the nurse, looking horrified.
You shrug.
> You flirt with the nurse and tell her your name is vick and you rub her chest.
"I think my name is vick too," she says. "What do you think I am, a hoity toity?"
You laugh and begin rubbing her chest. She pushes you away playfully.
you playfully take off your pants.
"No! No! Stop!" she says as she tries to take your pants off herself. "I've never done this with a guy before."
You laugh and begin rubbing her chest.
You are about to get down to business with the nurse, but you hear something strange in the hallway.  You hear many patients proclaiming, "I am Vicks!" and other such lines as people no doubt begin getting sick. It doesn't sound good.
"We need to leave now!" you say, a tad panicked.
"Think so?"
> You grab the nurse by the breast and lead her out of the hospital.
You quickly put on the clothes and lead the nurse out of the hospital. The strange thing is nobody is bothering to leave buildings at this point, as though they are all just standing around watching the sky turn a dark red.
You look towards the sky and see the clouds start to swirl into a massive storm and from the eye of storms descends a being of darkness who says, "This is how it has always been and this is how it will be forever. The powerful feed upon the powerless and I am the most powerful being you can imagine.
> You start rubbing his chest.
The creature begins to laugh and push you around as it says, "You silly little mortal, you cannot defeat me. Submit and serve me forever or I will force you to suffer torments worse than you could ever possibly imagine."
"We shall see."
You continue to rub the Vicks VapoRub on the creatures chest. It begins to feel something, but it does not bother trying to rub it off. It merely laughs at you and continues to torment you.
Suddenly the create stops in it's tracks and says, "I am Vick" and then begins rubbing its chest and saying, "Oh yeah, rub it in. Rub it right in." And then looks at you with a huge smile on its face and says, "Thank You."
You put on Cory's farmer attire and then see Maury, daytime television host, rush out with a film crew, the test results in his hand. Who is the real Vick? He runs up to you and hugs you.
"You did it. The test prove you are the real vick. You have broken the cycle forever and will be known as the real vick forevermore."
you take your place on the vick's throne and slowly rub your chest. A eucalyptus scented wind blows through your kingdom. The clouds disappear and the wind stops.
You decide to take a break and go search for some food. You find a "Sack" full of fruit and vegetables and a small hole in the bottom for them to slide out of. You wait for it to reach the bottom and then, voila! Food.
Through this magnificent invention you feast every so often and enjoy your time on the throne.
> You sit on your thrown and stare at the hole in the sack lustfully.  You make love to the sack of fruit.
You turn towards the forest. It's beautiful there, nature is in full bloom.
You turn back towards the "Sack" of fruit and realize it is pregnant and it is your child. It's a lot of fun loving your sack of fruit children. The moment you realize this, you go over and rub the inside of a sack. You close your eyes and enjoy the feeling.
You name your fruit children:
- Apple
- Banana
- Orange
- Gwenivere
You love all your fruit children equally.
The moral of the story: Don't eat genetically modified food or you'll get pregnant at random and have fruit children.