EP371 #2

Posted under EP371 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Chicken Biggin, the biggest rooster in the coop. You have enjoyed a life of dominance on the farm, but one day you will be replaced by a younger rooster who is just as big and stronger than you. This is inevitable, so what does it matter?

The only thing that matters now is to survive until then.
> You start taking chicken growth hormone.
You know this is going to kill you, but you can't live like this forever. It's time for some change.
you take WAY more chicken growth hormone. You gain a bunch of weight and become strong enough to kill the younger rooster, but after a few days, you begin to feel ill.
> You schedule a fight with the young rooster named Cockem Rockem, a rooster in his prime.
You become delusional and believe that there is a secret message in everything you see, it is not long before you single handedly destroy the entire chicken farm after beating your opponent to a bloody mess.
You say to the farmer, "Did you hear about the controversial thing that Jason from the AIPD farm did?"
"No, what was that?" The farmer says.
The words "blue chux ultra tight briefs" jump out at you from a neon sign in the farmhouse window.
you lean over and whisper to the farmer "you look real good in them blue chux ultra tight briefs" and you slap his ass.
The farmer replies, "Thanks, but I'm not feeling too well. I think I'll rest inside those white walls over there."
You reply, "I'll be there in a moment"
You head to the farmhouse and meet Blue Chux where you reveal your trouble past to him.
"I killed a man with a trident once" he says... or rather you perceive that he says and more importantly you perceive that he means.
> You challenge Blue Chux to a fight.
"You want to fight?''
"Yeah sure" you reply.
"Let's do it.
An epic brawl happens between you and Blue Chux that goes throughout the farmhouse and into the barn creating a wake of destruction in your path.
The fight lasts for hours until ultimately the two of you lie beaten on the ground, blood loss and organ failure taking its toll.
You roll over to Blue and say, "I heard Cory from AIPD saying that he wants to take over our farm."
"hmm" Blue replies his eyes beginning to shut close.
"Fuck him, I'll crush him some day and take what's mine"
Corey arrives in an old rickety tractor.
"What the hell are you two doing in here? I saw you both outside, you should have been milking these cows."
You say, "MILK THIS!" and lunge at Corey.
After you pounce on his upper body his frail old physique cannot take it and he expires from a massive heart attack. You realize you just killed the farmer.
> You and Blue Chux bury Corey in the pasture.
You and Bouchlin oversee the grave being dug but before you lower Corey into it, you grab the old man's wallet out of his pocket. You and Blue glance through and find some money in it.
Bouchlin the billy goat tells you, "The best way to dispose of a corpse is to feed them to the pigs."
You think this over and reply, "Nah, let's just throw him in the pond."
> You tie a cinder block to the body and throw it in the water.
After the death of the farmer you and Blue continue milking the cows. The next day you both go into the city to sell the milk and buy some groceries. You live frugally and save every penny you can.
You finally save enough money to buy the farm for yourself. This new life is the one you choose and you quickly succumb to its seductive promise of stable happiness.
One day, Corey's family comes looking for him.  You thought they would never leave, but you were wrong. The law eventually catches up with you and you are sentenced to life in prison.
> You drink poison as the judge reads your sentence.
At first you think that the poison must not have worked and that you are going to have to go through the rest of your life in prison.
But then you start to have the most severe violent reaction.  You shit so hard that bones come out and blood shoots out from every orifices' covering the entire court in your innards.
The autopsy later reveals that you had fake ass pills. I shit you not.
The moral of the story: never take anything from some guy in a ghost town.