EP370 #3

Posted under EP370 #3, Story On By Chief

You are sitting on the toilet to poop, but have forgotten your phone. You call up to mom and dad who both answer, you explain what happened and they tell you that it was a freak accident so don't worry about it.

You then hear a knock at the door.
you ask the mysterious knocker "did you bring my phone?"
"Yeah I did." He answers.
"Thanks!" You say as you get off the toilet and open the door.

Mom is standing there holding a shotgun in one hand and a pistol in another.
You then look behind her and see Ebson, a killer that likes murdering people while they take a shit. He is also like ten feet away from you.
You Feel a slight amount of fear as mom is working on a deadline.
You hurry to finish your shit, but the fear of Ebson killing you on the toilets is making the turd reverse direction. You finish up wiping, put your pants on and leap past mom who fires her pistol and a bullet flies just over your head as you dive onto the lawn.
you run through the yard and into the garage where you arm yourself with a  machinery tool and exit the garage.
"SHIT!" You exclaim as you see Ebson standing right were you left him.
You get a Tinder notification from Oprah Winfrey, your Newest Tinder Match.  As you look up from your phone, you notice Ebson has disappeared and left note: "Til your next shit".
FIN
You got a bonus story because you earned over 7080 seconds of underwater time.
you meet up with Oprah for a date and after a spicy 3 course meal, you have to shit.
Oprah suggests the gold plated toilets, but you decide to go for what you do best.
You decide to use Oprah's toilet that is in the middle of a field of roses.
The shitty situation gets shittier as Oprah kills you while sitting the toilet
Well at least you'll die with in a Roses Rows
you slump off the toilet seat, and the last thing you see is Oprah pulling off her own face to reveal....Ebson.
"Ha ha!" He laughs, "You got killed by a 10 year old, That sucks."
he then goes to grab your soul and disappears.
you awaken in an aquarium with the souls of Ebson's victims.
You need to escape before you get into deeper shit, but the problem is, You are in an underwater tank. You slowly start to go mad as you think of a way out...
You get an idea, you posses an action figure of Ebson's collection.  You pick out his favorite action hero: Captain Defecation.
You then proceed to barf in his helmet. The guards rush in and don't know what happened, but quickly toss you to another tank labeled "Dud's"
you drag a bunch of the Dud's out of the Dud tank and bring them over to the aquarium of souls and tell the souls to "pick a body"
you grab the body they pick (And discard the helmet) and take him outside.
A group of teens pass by and ask, "What are you doing?"
You reply, "Being a ghost"
They all scream and run away.
You are on your first poop after returning from the dead. It feels good.
Ebson appears out of nowhere, but this is what you were planning on!  All of you action figure rebel army pounces on Ebson stabbing him wherever they can get their kung fu grip plastic hands.
Ebson yells
"Nooooooo!"
Just three times while he is being disemboweled and decapitated.
you take Ebsons soul and put into the most broken toy you can find, a  t i p zapper.
Oprah appears and takes your hand, "Now you're a real boy."
"What happens now?" You ask,
"Now....Now we play with the bodies."
Ebson offers you a way back into your old body, but it comes at a cost: another boy's soul in exchange. This other boy was also tragically killed by Ebson's wicked plans.

Sadly, this other boy seems to never have heard of "Keepin' it real"
you trick the boy with a proposition, "we can play together, but I want a turn at being the person. You get to be the action figure first."
He agrees.
The next day at school you eagerly brag to your friends: "I gots two bois in me."
The moral of the story: if you don't play with your toys you'll get bullied by demons and killed by a 10 year old.