EP370 #2

Posted under EP370 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Neil, an investigator of the surreal. On one of your journeys you get an invitation for a ceremony from a seemingly peaceful cult that call themselves "The Soapmakers". Arriving to the site, you see a huge cauldron with several people around it, stirring whatever is inside. You are welcomed to look inside the cauldron. What you see cannot be described by the common perception. Reality as a whole melting right before you. And everything was everyone and each one was all.	"‘‘†"„‘‘†
you pour yourself a cup of the imperceptible sludge. it smells like dirt and mud and blood. you drink it down without thinking about what will happen next.

As you feel the effects of the soap, you hear a voice in your head saying:
You realize this to be Brother Tomas. You ask him what is going on.
You ask again but there is no answer. you have drained the cauldron dry.
You look in the cup and try to talk to Brother Tomas, but instead what arises from the cup is a golem made of Soapy Cory's clothes.
It stares back at you as every garment screams. Every smiley face embroidered.
you run from the golem and smash into Ebson, A killer from myths from other world's appears right behind you.
You wake up
"This doesn't feel like a dream."
You think. "I'm not dreaming now?"
"No, you are in reality, which is kind of a dream."
Ebson says "if you're dreaming, then this should wake you up" as he slices your face with his favorite knife.
"Ah, shit!" you say feeling the effect of the cold steel on your face.
"I'll make this quick." Ebson says as the blade disappears back into his sheath.
Ebson tells you of a paranormal creature summoned by the Soapmakers that will bring about the end of the Universe.  Ebson then notices the golem and yells, "WORLD ENDER!!!"
He looks at you and says, "Ugh, I'm sobering up and this is way too fucked up,"
Ebson takes his knife out again and puts it on the table.
you watch as the clothes golem tackles Ebson and they go crashing down the stairs into the basement where you hear they splashing through muck.
The house is Silent now.
"Where is everybody?" you ask.
"Germaine is probably dragging his fat ass home and making up lies about me to his boyfriend."
Ebson says.
You say, "This aciiiiid is really messing with meeee..." and burst into tears.
"There there" Ebson says putting his hand on your shoulder in a comforting way.
"Now we have to kill this thing."
You're not resisting any more,
you grab the knife and say "time to cut up make some jorts!"
Ebson and you walk into the kitchen.
"You're going to have to repeat that step again when we get to the basement and I'm stabbing you in the throat while placing you against the wall."
You are face to face with the clothes golem and that grown to 20 ft tall and is getting bigger as it accumulates more laundry.  Ebson tells you, "You have to pierce it's denim heart to kill it!" and you nod and charge the golem.
The jeans appear impenetrable but you shove the knife right through it's jeans heart.
The golem doubled over and the sound of falling water is heard, as all the clothes begin to disintegrate.
you are washed over in ribbons of satin blood. Ebson picks you up out of the satin and says "Stay here my little Soapmaker" and takes you up the stairs.
"Now ask yourself, did I enjoy being beheaded by a giant pile of clothes?" Ebson asks.
"Definitely not." you say.
"Well that wasn't real. This however is!
Ebson opens the oven and tosses you in.
"I've got shit to do, later!"
You scream as the flames and unbelievable heat surround you...
The moral of the story: stick to the homemade beer and weed