You are Ole' Snickers Mclovin'. You've shot yourself in the arse with a love rifle and now you have a new quest; Find love in strange places. This is your mission: 1) Go to the city of Klyton, where you will find an inn called The Black Bear Inn. It's run by a woman named Ruth. She says she knows what you're looking for, but can't tell you anything about it because it's a secret. 2) Next, go to the nearby village of Dert and speak with the barkeep there. He'll tell you that he knows nothing about it either. You go to Klyton and meet with Ruth at the Inn. She says that you have a certain air about you, like you're too cool for Deshunters. Apparently, she's an out-of-work Adventurer looking for work. you ask Ruth to be your wingman on the journey to find love in the town of Dert. She agrees. She tells you that she isn't sure about the village, but that she knows the town well enough. She says you'll have to take the opportunity when it presents itself. You arrive at Dert and head to the bar where you are in luck: it's lady's night! The bar is packed with beautiful and oddly enough the only man in the bar is the bartender. You meet with him and order a drink. "Excuse me, but isn't this ladies' night?" you ask "Sir, with all due respect I know who you are. You're the guy from th-the- those legend." > You slap your belly and say "yup thats me, Ole Snickers." The bartender doesn't look convinced, but he goes off to get your drink. It takes awhile, but soon a few shots and a pitcher of what appears to be alcohol later you're on your way to the toilets. As you enter the men's room, you see Big Robert, the local troublemaker, lying in wait. "Well if it isn't Ole Snickers, himself!" Big Robert says. "Heeeeey Big Rob....been awhile" you say. you ask Big Rob why he's such a loser. "What do you mean loser? I'm a farmer you know!" he says. You shake your head and chuckle. You try to go to the bathroom, but Big Robert just can't let it go and bursts into the stall and beats your ass. You crawl out of the stall and crawl to the sink to clean yourself up, but Big Rob just can't help himself and he steps on your hand as you're trying to stand. > You take out your switchblade. You pull out your switchblade and lie in the fetal position and wait for Big Rob to step on it. He doesn't, and you stand up. You apologize to Big Robert and say you were out of line and that if he would like to join you in your quest to pickup women. He agrees and the pair of you talk about Big Rob's marital woes on your way to your location. you ask Big Robert about his wife. He says that she left him with the kids for his mother to raise after their parents died in an accident, but now his mother won't let him see the kids because of his anger issues. "Anger issues?" You see Big Rob flip the pool table and punch a hole in the wall. The he locks eyes with his ex-wife: Ruth, who runs to your side because she is scared. "I don't have anger issues! It's those damn rumour mongers that started it and now my own mother won't let me see my own damn kids!" > You agree with Big Robert and break a pool cue over your knee. You agree with Big rob, there are probably a lot of damn people saying shit about you. You break your pool cue over your knee and say you shouldn't have to apologize for being a good father. You realize that you, too, have anger issues and toss the poll cue aside and help Big Rob up. You lean in for a kiss with Big Rob. Big Rob's ex-wife, Ruth, pulls you away! "What the hell are you doing?" as she holds your arms and take a few steps backward. you wrestle out of Ruth's grasp and shout "I love Big Rob and his Big Rod!" Big Rob just stands there speechless. "Well come on, let's get the hell out of here." You say. Ruth says that the two of you should leave. You and Big Rob live happily ever after. The end. Epilogue: "But daddy, why can't I bring my teddy on our camping trip?" The moral of the story: loving someone who doesn't love you back will result in nothing but heartache and an unhappy ending for everyone. You push the child off a cliff to his death.