EP366 #3

Posted under EP366 #3, Story On By Chief

You are Lars Ulrich, a Knight of The Order of the Dannebrog and drumming enthusiast. You are sad but also confused about recent changes to your favorite Twitch stream, AIPD. You are holding a vigil outside AIPDHQ with a sign that reads: "#MetalMondaysMatter"

A few minutes later you hear a knock on the door. It is your brother who has been working at AIPD HQ for several years now. He answers it and says he will be right out.
You notice your brother's appearance has changed quite drastically since he joined AIPD: his hair is a mess, he looks like an old man and even his voice sounds worn. Your eyes follow him as he leaves the room and see that he has lost all his gear.
> You sneak your way into the AIPD break room.
You walk into the break room and notice all the familiar faces. Not as many as you would hope however. The AIPD has been cracking down on illegal downloading, streaming and general file sharing lately.
You meet with the leader of AIPD and offer to be the face of their illegal downloading crackdown team. Seems like perfect work for you.
After exchanging pleasantries, the AIPD Leader, The Faceless Gamer, states that your first assignment will be in a couple weeks. Until then, they will hold your involvement as top secret.
you are given an assignment. You are to go undercover to a coffee bar that has been a hacker hotspot. The owner, an older man with a thick scruff, has been helping law enforcement. He's now providing "insider information" for AIPD due to generous payment.
> You compliment the man on his scruff.
The man smiles and pats you on the shoulder. "Thanks, kid. I think it adds character."
You nod, then excuse yourself to go the men's room.
> You see a small hole in the wall of the stall, then you hear a voice.
"Come see me, please." The voice says.
You walk forward and see a woman in her early 30s. She is petite, with delicate facial features and long black hair tied in a ponytail.
The woman rolls up a list of illegal downloaders and passes it through the hole. Scruff man is at the top of the list.  He has been a thorn in the AIPD's side for years. Every time they think they've got him, his identity is combined with the next person's, and so on.
You exit the bathroom and see that scruff man has begun to flee.  You shout, "ILLEGAL FILE SHARING DETECTED!" and chase after him. The blues have been after him for some time, so you aren't really sure what he's doing there in the first place.
You follow him out the door and into the scruffy streets of Los Angeles.
you chase Scruff man through a busy market and tackle him through a cart of exotic spices in little Turkey. Pepper is all over you.
"Sorry, pally!" he shouts, then runs off.
You shake your head and laugh. The chaos of chasing the man had put you in a good mood.
You bump into a Scruffy Looking Nerf Herder who tells you he knows who you are looking for, and he can take you to him... for a price.
There is a small man sitting in the shadows of an abandoned warehouse nearby. The man says his name is "DICE-o-NEER".
You ask DICE-o-NEER for his help, and he says, "HICKORY, DICKORY DOCK." Of course. for a price. He suggests you get a sidekick and threatens to rat you out to the blues if you don't pay him a visit.
You think about it.
You accept and recruit a sidekick, none other than famous Little Turkey gumshoe: TJ the Murderdorf!!!!
You and TJ get into his van and drive to California. (Time for a road trip!
You find the Scruff Man at a Lane Bryant outlet in Tucson, Arizona. He looks half-starved.
"Get away from me, pervert," the man says, and turns to flee.
TJ exits the van with a hammer in hand.
TJ beats the Scruff Man with a hammer until he begins to talk and reveals the location of the world's largest Metallica sharing Napster server.
It's in Los freaking Angeles.
After fighting your way through a horde of angry P2P users who refuse to leave their computers long enough to run, you reach the server at the back of the warehouse.
> You pull all the wires out of the server and pour water on it.
You pull at the wires and yank them out of the back of the server, then reach into the vents and grab a handful of them and drop them into a plastic bag.
As you leave the warehouse, you are met by The Faceless Gamer. He winks at you and holds up the bag of confiscated illegal files you found on your way out.
You sit in an armchair outside the small airport, waiting.
you look to the faceless man as a private jet arrives and you say "where are we going?"
The man looks at you and says "anywhere. anywhere you'd like. there is no plot. no story. we're just flying through the sky to anywhere you could want to go."
You fly to the one place you know Metallica is most celebrated: the rock hall of fame.
but... that isn't in california at all.
you're backstage at the Rock and Roll hall of fame in cleveland, ohio.
The moral of the story: respect your local law enforcement and don't use file sharing programs, kids.