EP364 #3

Posted under EP364 #3, Story On By Chief

You are Jack McClusky, ace detective. You are enjoying a Summer barbeque at the Governor's mansion when disaster strikes! Someone has peed in the pool! Using your unmatched deductive skills, you have narrowed the list of potential urinators to the following four suspects:

"Jack…"

The voice calls out from behind you. Turning around, you see a young woman with long blonde hair and wearing a tight-fitting white swimsuit. She is dressed for the beach, not the crime scene!
The woman reveals herself to be Inspector Poirot Clumbo Holmes. Her grandfather is the most well-known detective in all of England. Her father is a lesser-known but equally talented detective. And, much to her regret, this rising star is Holmes's daughter.
you ask Poirot what she makes of the scene. Maybe her "feminine intuition" will shed some light on the situation. She walks along the pool, deep in thought.
"One nostril," she says, pointing at the statue.
You notice a stream of urine coming out of the nose of the statue.  "Excellent work Mrs Poirot!", you say. "If this was indeed the culprit's escape route, we must catch it before they get into their vehicle and drive away."
Poirot takes out her cell phone and dials 911.
you slap the phone out of her hand and say "there's no time" as you usher her to your vehicle, a  The sleuths throw their Gucci hampers into Ford Fairlane 500 and screech off toward the exit of the parking lot.
They leave one Gucci hamper behind with Cory's clothes at the scene of the crime.  You say, "Of course!"
Your sharp eyes notice a pack of cigarettes left on the roof of a nearby mini-mart. You recognize the logo as Marlboro. "This was the culprit's smoking habit."
you go up to the roof of the mini-mart and look around for clues. you mansplain to Poirot "there must be clues around here somewhere"
You spy a discarded matchbook a few feet away. You grab it and discover it is full of matches for the mini-mart's customer bathroom.
> You notice an address on the matchbook.
"In a hundred metre sprint, I can run faster than any man alive." Those were the words of Charley Paddock, a world-renowned sprinter who also happens to live near the mini-mart.
You go pay a visit to Charley Paddock, it's not a good clue, but it's the only lead you have right now.
On a lark, you bring the matchbook with you. "It couldn't hurt", you think to yourself.
You look through the window and notice a pile of Cory's clothes on Charley's couch.  You decide this is very suspicious and try to break into the house undetected.
Charley has rigged his whole house like a stadium with false walls and track lighting. You narrowly avoid setting off any booby traps as you penetrating deep into his house.
you open the back door carefully and hear a loud blast as the door is blown to pieces in front of you. you say "couch shotgun booby-trap. Only a real monster would use it."
No sooner have you stepped through the back door when you hear a blood-curdling scream from above. You look up and see a man being yanked out of the sky by an open window.
You notice the man is Charley and you sprint up to the bedroom to find Charley engaged in some sort of S&M fantasy with a man that is currently urinating on him and wearing a swimsuit.
you shake the stranger, clearly a jogger who got lost in the wrong house and not the culprit, by the shoulders and say "what did you see? what's going on?"
The man confesses to the crime, but you don't hear him.  You hear someone shouting and find a woman hanging from the ceiling. "Who is that?" you ask.
The Jogger says he has no idea.
It's Inspector Poirot Clumbo Holmes!  She says, "Oh me and my female intuition!"  and everybody laughs.
The first four fans of CASEFILE will receive a free gift.
World, meet, Dani Fong. She is a cat who is really into true crime and helping Ada solve mysteries.
The moral of the story: Don't ignore small, but long-lasting signs of racism or they might get out of hand.
I woke up and saw that my deer painting was gone from the museum.