EP363 #2

Posted under EP363 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Phil Collins, master of the live intro. You can feel it coming in the air tonight. You ready your crossbow and quiver of silver bolts.

"Told you so boss!" a voice shouts from behind you. It is none other than Mr. Reynolds himself.
You see Burt Reynold holding a giant battle axe.  You head out and prepare to attack the target:

"I'll be back with more of my friends soon." He says as he walks away. "See ya later Boss!" With that, he leaves.
You read the dossier on your target: The Trollge, A criminal, Trespassed on land, Caused Mass Genocide and causing a large amount of trolling. As you put the dossier down, he appears right in front of you.
"Man you pieces of shit sure take your fucking time." He says. "Now let's do this."
before Trollge can ready himself you loose a bolt into his cheek.
His cheekbone and part of his tusk is blown off, and he smacks hard into the wall.
"Now you pay for what you have done."
Trollge makes an impassioned speech for you to spare his life. After begging, pleading and groveling on his knees he is spared temporarily.

"Please, let me live I beg you. I will do anything."
You close your eyes and lean in for a kiss. He is disgusted and horrified at first, but accepts your advances.
"Done." You state.
You walk away thinking that they'll probably pick up pieces of Trollge's shit later.
Burt Reynolds returns with his friends, which he introduces to you. "This here's Jerry, Melissa and Gary." He says pointing at a Dwarven Miner with a Pick Axe, a Female Elven Blade and a Heavy Knight With Plate Armor.
"Now that everyone is here, we can begin.
Burt Reynold's breaks the silence and says, " I saw what you did. Saw it with my own two eyes."
"And we'll never talk about it again." You reply.
You grin, "Now that that's done, let's pick a faction."
you pick the coolest faction, the pirates.
"Now gentlemen, we get to Nassita territory. where every happening lays."
You bring your trump card: a deadly set of hoola hoops.
"Now it's time everyone brings out their best equipment. Especially you Jerry."
You have a 40% heritage of either fire or lighting bending powers.
"Now start a fire and we'll go from there."
You head with the team to Nassita territory, home of the Fire Nation and birthplace of General Iroh. A young firebender kneels before the Fire Lord, a cruel man who mastered his gifts under Long Feng, leader of the Order of the White Lotus.
> You and your crew interior the ritual and say...
"Shit is going down!" you yell, trudging through the jungle. You are in the belly of the beast, a Fire Nation camp.
You get the jump on General Iroh and say, "Guys, I challenge you to a hoola hoop battle! The loser buys everyone drinks!"
The overweight General gets off his throne and raises an eyebrow. "This child wants to play?" He asks his comrade, a tall, young warrior.
"Watch it, son."
> You battle the general's son!  You use your lighting powers.
Out of respect, Iroh's son removes his armor and helmet. His face is craggy but gentle, like an Aubrey Hu Tribble , but covered in a layer of stubble.
You start battle with a rhythmic bout of hula hoopings, but Iroh's son is pretty good, too. The hoop slithers up to your waist before you push it away with a burst of lighting. After a minute of pure magic, the crowd around you grows.
you say to Iroh "there must be some misunderstanding, there must be some kind of mistake. I was waiting in the rain for hours." as Iroh is serenaded he loses focus and you strike.
Your hoop spirals up and hits the son right in the face, you dance out of the way as he falls . He jumps up and sputters.
His head rolls off his shoulders and right in front of his father the General, who surrenders.
A week later reports come rolling in. The Fire Nation has been subjugated, and the world is finally at peace: you are a true hero.
You are hailed a hero, and named the Liberator of the World.
Even your parents are proud of you!
The moral of the story: life's greatest trials can be overcome with a little magic, a hula hoop, and the will to succeed.