EP363 #1

Posted under EP363 #1, Story On By Chief

You are Hickory Jack, a man with a wooden arm and two glass eyes. You don't want anyone to know that you're blind so you pretend you can see perfectly. You reach out for the doorknob of your house when you hear a voice calling to you from across the street.

"Hey! I'm home!" A woman's voice says as she opens her front door. "What brings you here?"
you feel your way across the wall to the woman's voice, you accidentally get a handful of dobonhonkeros and then say "pardon me sir, I thought I heard the voice of an young woman."

The woman looks at you in surprise, she has dark skin and long curly brown hair. She wears a white dress with a red sash around her waist.
> You say "nice sash"
"Nice sash" You say pinching your fingers of your wooden hand in the universal sign for someone attractive.
The woman knows exactly what you mean because she blushes and answers
You say, "I'm kinda thirsty, do you think those doors are drinkable?"
You point at her front door.
"I haven't tried that one yet, what do you think it is?" she asks.
You don't trust her, "I need something to open it with."
You say, "Ma'am, can I borrow your sash?"
The woman complies and you shred the sash into long strips. Then tie a knot in one end.
You lean in for a kiss. Her eyes get wide and she backs away but you easily catch her in your arms.
You lean in again for a kiss. She turns her head at the last minute and you end up kissing her cheek.
"I'm sorry" You say then you kiss her on the lips, and feel a current of energy running through you.
You are being tasered! You realize as it fully charges you.
You drop the woman and she shreiks causing alarm in the street, you spin around and see a group of slavers pointing spears at you.
You level up and gain the following tasered glass eye powers:
Sonic Scream: You can unleash a high frequency shriek capable of shattering glass and thinning blood.
"I'm The Tazmanian Devil!"
The slavers take you to Horni Jail. You kick the cell door open and escape. You loot a gun store for supplies and then use the alleyways to evade police scrutiny.
The next day you see a tent with a carnival banner over it.
You look down at your belly and realize you are pregnant.  You say, "Must have been that short nap I took in Horni Jail!" You asks to join the freak show as the world's first pregnant man. They ask what your talents are and you say "I can tase people". They say that's awesome and make you the main attraction. You do really well and make a lot of money.
in the middle of your show one night you start to have stomach pains as your water breaks, a clown car ambulance shows up and 50 clown EMT's get out and rush you off to the carn-hospital.
Arriving there you are rushed into the emergency room on a gurney while 4 Clown EMT's push it. The Doctor cuts your belly open and removes your baby.
You name your baby: _____
The doctor says you need a blood transfusion. You draw blood from your arm and hand it too the clown EMT beside you. He runs out of the room as fast as he can.
You give the baby  jasontonyjimcoryfan's clothes that shrunk to baby size in the laundromat. He is cute.
You start to fall asleep when Sister Catherine enters the room and says "I'm here to take you to the terrorists bed".
The moral of the story:
TIL that babies drink blood !!! I've been drinking that apple juice stuff and what fruit did they use two much of again?