EP362 #2

Posted under EP362 #2, Story On By Chief

You're the one they call Doctor Feelgood, but you have no idea why.

The next day you wake up and find that your room is completely empty. You look around and see a note on the door reading "Drink Me" written in blood.
you drink the door.

It's not very pleasant, but it does get you through the day. When night comes, you feel like you can do anything...until you remember what happened last time.
You flashback to last time where the last thing you remember saying is, "I covered myself in oil." and then this happens. You decide to try it again and sure enough smoke comes out of the silver wheels and you take three to the face.
This time when you wake up, the world is worse than before.
you need some hair of the dog and decide to drink the cat door.
It tastes horrible, but you need haircream for your hair This gets you through the day, but not without a price. This is when you realize something...how many doors are in this flat?
You get really sad when you remember that you used to have a family of some sort. This is ruined though when you hear the sound of thunder and realize theres someone at the door.
you kick the door down while screaming "KA KA KA YEAH IM DOCTOR FEELGOOD! WHAT YOU WANT?!"
It's a shady-looking man with a mustache with a few twin children looking at you shouting, "The doctor is in!" The darstard opens the door slightly and says, "That'll be $6.66, please." You shoving a crumpled billy into his hand when you notice he only has one shoe...does he have 6 toes? you think to yourself.
> You count his toes then look him in the eyes and say "
You count his toes and realize he has something like 30. What the , right? Right. The more you look at his ugly mug, the more shifty this guy looks.
you ask bluntly "what the fuck is wrong with your feet?"
Get out of here! says one twin scared out of her mind. The other one pulls out a redbull from his pocket and says he's not finished yet.
You summon the Trollge, Trollface reincarnated as a creepypasta. It's angry and red. "I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!" it says.
This is the second time you've seen it, but the first cause someone just replied to a post.
you rile the troll up by saying "everyone deserves health care"
Trollface eats up this kind of rile, but it takes a shit on your carpet after doing so.
You sit Trollface down on the couch and reveal your troubled past.
"Now here's the thing, back when when life was worth living I had a wonderful family. We would take trips to Disneyland and my Dad would take me out on the lake and dump me off the boat screaming "I love you son!"" You take a quick breath, then briefly go back to screaming. "I mean what the fuck, right?" while bouncing your fists up and down aggressively.
Troll face starts to cry and tells you about his past. "WAAAH my kids won't listen to me...I mean sure, I'd rat them out to the teacher if they did something bad, but I still love them right?"
You break out a box from under the living room table and brush some of the troll shit off of it.  You turn to Trollface and say, "This will make you feel REAL GOOD" and hand him the box which contains a set of bagpipes.
Trollface starts to play, and begins to fill the room with somber tones.
He begins to play "Should old acquaintance be forgot"
> You snort drugs off of his bagpipes filled with drugs.
The funeral song makes you forget some of your worries, but not all of them. You got a nagging feeling that you should have been a doctor or a teacher or something.
you ask him to play your favorite disney song on the bagpipes, which is "my hippie parents fuck so loud the neighbors could probably hear, no wonder I'm such an introvert"
Trollface breaks into a rendition of "It's a small world after all"
you say "thats beautiful Trollface, my  ‍ ‍  would have loved it, they loved the bagpipes so much...before the incident."
Trollface, puts his hand on your shoulder and tells you something.
"You want to hear something funny?" he asks.
"Wow, your  ‍ ‍  has just gotten a lot bigger."
you ask trollface if he wants to be your new family man man girl?
Trollface gives a surprised look and nods. " Yes," he says.
The moral of the story: You're ruining the entire fucking planet, but at least you have a bagpipe-playing extended family. Trollface is bad and also good for you.