EP362 #1

Posted under EP362 #1, Story On By Chief

You are Spunky Hogarth, prank anthropologist. You have a YouTube channel where you post videos of yourself discovering lost tribes and telling them crazy misinformation about the civilized world. For example, you told an Incascamo woman the following five lies about modern society:

1) "It's called the Internet because it allows people to communicate with each other."

2) "The word 'Internet' comes from the Latin words in which you speak!"

3) "People use the term 'Facebook' because that is what they call their personal page on the Internet."

4) "The Internet was invented by AT&T!"

5) "In order for us to be able to talk to each other we need a telephone line or some sort of connection!"
The woman tells you five lies about her society in return. Each time you tell your informant about a new invention or concept, you draw a stick man on a piece of paper.

1) You draw a little stick man and tell her it represents "man".

2) Then you point to yourself and say, "Man talk."
3) You then point to her and tell her she can't enter the stick man you drew. This represents "taboo".
4) You then tell her "man" can enter the stick man without it being taboo. This represents "hospital".
5) You then ask your informant to draw another stick man and tell you what "man" term it represents. Your informant draws a little person much smaller than herself.
You hand the woman a pile of Cory's clothes that are next to your feet.
The woman puts on the shirt and a pair of the cargo pants. They are about four sizes too big, but she wears them with a belt.
The Trollface, Known as the Trollge, A creature that has committed Mass Genocide, appears infront of you.  The woman's pants fall down. You do nothing.
You are overwhelmed by a legion of little people armed with automatic weapons and explosives, lead by the beaver-looking Norwegian guy from your video games.
you yell to the beaver-looking man "STATE THY NAME KNAVE!"
He pulls out a jumpsickle and approaches you side to side, "I'm a gnome, asshole!"
the little people ready a barrage of jumpsickles aimed directly at the Incascamo woman. you grab a stick and prepare for the attack.
"And now, we introduce ourselves!"
You avoid the attack, except it turns out you are only falling out of the sky.
you fall and fall until you land on a horse  . the horse is playing a banjo, and some little people are there.
"what's up," one of the little people say.
The leader of the gnomes asks for your I'D.
You refuse and say, "Trust me, I'll old enough!"
You backflip off the banjo and headbutt the gnome in charge. You knock him out and dance a little jiga while you wait for your enemy to regroup
It is now over.
you realize that the little people have a hard time putting up a fight against you, you decide to start slapping them around with the banjo. you stand on top of the pile of little people you have knocked out and yell, "now, none can oppose us! now... SKREW YOU!"
You sit at the bar and watch the horse play songs on the banjo all night long. the little people occasionally get up to play with the horse, but they always come back. it remains a mystery how this jolly group of inhabitants came to live in such a dark cave.
The moral of the story: big fish eat little fish
You have reached the enlightenment of zen fishing master.
You lay on top of the banjo, softly strumming the strings.