you are the Cookie Monster, a recently retired Children's TV entertainer who has gone crazy from the Boredom of being retired. you decide to hunt humans for Cookies, you creepily say " me want Cookies" over and over again. You don't know why, but you do it anyway.
After a few days of this, you start hearing the sounds of battle outside your cave.
You run outside and grab a bucket full of Cory's cookies. He doesn't like sharing, but you need these cookies to prepare for battle. You look at them in horror as they begin to melt into a gooey mess.
you scoop up as much cookie goo and you can and retreat to your cave to create your new cookie supreme race. you ignore human battle cries and screams outside. it takes you days to finish up, but you begin with human babies. they seem softer and easier to manipulate into becoming cookie loving killers.
You mass bake an army of cookie lover killer babies. You love them all as your own children. you show them all different varieties of cookies and tell them the ways of the cookie.
You wrap a test dummy in Cory's clothes which are covered in Oreo crumbs and watch as all the cookie lover killer babies swarm the target and leave nothing remaining. You high five them all and tell them " go forth and be amazing cookie loving killing machines"
you look at all your creations and don't bother naming them.
> You unleash your army and begin the cookie wars.
you decide that the best way to end this all is to release the human killing cookie hordes and let them take care of business.
You slowly release them into the world, where they begin to kill many unsuspecting humans.
The last inhuman screams that you hear are actually your childrens'. The humans capture and kill all of your "children".
your anguish pours forth as a loud cookie roar across the plains "COOOKIEEEEEE!!"
You go into the mass cookie Elementary school and begin eating all of the cookies inside of it. You notice how disgusting they taste without the blessing of your deliciousness serum.
You realize that you have possibly doomed humanity due to your own idiocy and sugar-addled mind.
You don't care though.
in a sugar haze you begin dunking cookie after cookie until you hear the crunch of bones. you look down to see bloody human bones in your hands and little cookie bits with blood and brains in your mouth. you topple over and die, a victim of your own idiocy
another casualty of the cookie wars.
A parade is held in your honor, celebrating your deeds.
the end
you were surrounded by cookies, eaten and loved by many, an internet myth, and a champion of the nerd race.
You will be missed.
as the funeral service ends, a lone cloaked "man" looks at your tombstone and leaves a single cookie. The "man" is revealed to be a woman due to her short hair.
Your sweet and bitter reign of terror has ended. the world continues on like it always has.
in a few generations no one has any concept of what a "internet" is much less who you are.
all is quiet on the internet front, until some idiot decides to fuck with things again.
The moral of the story: Fuck with the internet and the nerds will fuck you back 10 fold.
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