EP359 #3

Posted under EP359 #3, Story On By Chief

You are Jason "Large Smoke" Pistachio, the forgotten cousin of the famous fast food destroyer Melvin "Big Smoke" Harris. He is your idol and you try to become just as large as him. Just on this Monday you are heading to your Clucking Bell fast food restaurant for their "All-You-Can-Eat No.9" special. When you enter the restaurant there is a long line of people waiting in anticipation of your arrival. You see that you have been chosen at random from the crowd and when you walk up to the cashier he says, "Welcome to the line!"
you shove a small child out of your way and yell " I'll have a number nine, a number nine large, a number six with extra sauce, a number seven, two number forty-fives, one wit' cheese, and a large soda." the cashier smiles and rings everything up and you hand him $50. "That will be $54.62" he says with a grin.
you shake the money out of the small child you knocked over's pockets.
Once you finish paying, you make your way to a table with a stack of boxes labeled 'NO. 69.' you grab a box and begin shoveling fowl into your mouth.
After eating, you are still hungry, so you head to Old Country Buffet. You grab a pancake and gobble it down before you run out of breath.
You clear the buffet line 5 times before a waiter comes over to your table to say, "Don't think that's enough, sir?"
you continue eating and say, "I paid for all-you-can-eat, yes?"
"Well, yes, but..." she says in a rather nervous tone.
You demand the waitress bring you a gravy steam table to dunk our head into.
They completely fill the demand but kick you out soon after. As you enter the cab to grab some fried chicken from KFC, you realize that the no.
You say, "Order me two cabs." The first cab drops you off at KFC and orders you grab 5 buckets of original. The second drops you off back at the Cluckin' Bell and grabs a large order of nuggets.
you notice when the nuggets arrive that one is missing and complain to management. You ask them to fill the order again and 4 minutes later notice that another nugget is missing.
You say, "What are Cory's clothes doing here? That AIPD guy needs to stop dumping his clothes everywhere." When you return to the office, your angry boss says you're fired.
you think that's pretty unfair but figure you'll collect unemployment and find another job, so you head to the welfare building.
On your way to the welfare building, you overhear, "Wow, those are some big Twinkies in the road!"
You have a strange feeling but pay it no mind and enter the welfare building.
You see your Fat Aunt Patty sitting in line and she says, "Hey Jason, wanna go bowling with me your Cousin Big Smoke."
you realize this is no normal day as your cousin appears in the same clothes that you saw him in a week ago.
"Sure, why not."
You go to the bowling alley to spend your welfare check and eat hot dogs all day.
it's a great time and you feel that this freedom can go on forever.
The moral of the story: Fast Food and Hand-Me-Downs.
You scored 2 For Chubbies! You know the pain of the heaviest of Heavy people, but that's not all! You've convinced yourself to think pass the pain of being Chubby and into self destructive gluttony. But you've found ways to have fun! Maybe you'll come out of it, maybe you wont.