EP358 #1

Posted under EP358 #1, Story On By Chief

My coconut gun
is ready to shoot you all.
I fire it in spurts.
You think that the bullets are going to hit you, but they don't. You just feel a slight burning sensation on your skin and then everything goes black.
you awaken to the sensation of your skin burning. You jump into a nearby shipment of toxic butter that fell off of Jason's AIPD truck. It soothes and transforms your flesh and you gain the following toxic butter powers:1. Poisonous Butter2. Toxic Butter3. Toxin Butter4. Poisonous Butter5. Toxic Butter6. Toxin Butter7. Poisonous Butter8. Toxic Butter9. Toxic Butter10. Poisonous Butter11.Toxic Butter12. Poisonous Butter13.Toxic ButterYou see that the fire department has arrived and put out the fire that you started at the coffee shop. You stand up and notice that the TVA toxic waste trucks are notifying their drivers to turn back. The attack must have been called off. You look at your hands and body - its healed again.
you follow the toxic waste trucks back to their home base. They must be thwarted. You get out of your vehicle and tell Tanya, Becca, plus Chris to stay there.
They look at you questioningly but you repeat it with a little more force. They comply.
> You follow the trail of toxic butter inside the headquarters.
You enter the front door of the TVA headquarters and see that it is completely automated, with a machine spitting out papers, ignoring the smog, and the employees getting sick from the lack of fresh air.
> You turn around and see plus Chris has followed, and he's brought a Blu-Ray set of Gilligan's Island that Jason has taken a bite out of.
You take the gift and notice that Chris has disappeared.
You throw it in the corner of the room like an office supply, but somehow it turns into plastic explosive and blows a hole straight through one of the walls.
You see a secret meeting room filled with incriminating evidence against the TVA.  The documents contain detailed explanations of their illegal activities that include:1. negligence, not ensuring that toxic waste was disposed of properly 2. fraud, tricking local businesses into accepting high-risk cargos 3. intended homicide, by dumping waste into populated areas 4. attempted genocide, poisoning entire water supply
You enter the room and some of the documents have your picture on them, indicating that you have been targeted by the TVA.
You say, "we need to destroy Hulk-Jason, he get's angry. anytime A birthday party happens or he get's no breadsticks he get's angry. I need to save the world from Hulk-Jason!" and throw a file cabinet through the window, Toatoa says something you can't understand and then begins to leave. "I'm going to my family's heiau in New Zealand, thanks for your help."
> You chris appears with a gun in his hand and says "This is my plus one"
You stand up and hear sirens outside. Firetrucks, police, and an ambulance all arrive at the building. A man walks in through the hole Toatoa created and says, "what's going on here?"
"This place is rigged to blow!" You say. "If a CD with a certain song pops out, blow the place up."
A looks of recognition crosses his face.
You pop out the CD and look at cover to see it is: "collection of the greatest Nickelback songs,"
The TVA headquarters explodes and you are narrowly able to escape, but all the evidence against TVA has burned up.
a cop approaches you and says "Freeze" with a frown, much like the one Spongebob makes when he is sad in the show.
You hold up your hands and say the one thing that you know always gets you out of being arrested:
"Do you know who I am?"
The cop says " No, should I?"
You look at the officer's badge and see that he is actually Ollie Ball, munching chicken ballz, Grinding on the wallz.
no one is out their, you are all alone.
You didn't really do anything illegal. Just protesting against the TVA getting away with dumping toxic waste in Tennessee, Kentucky, and Alabama. No big deal.
The moral of the story: You inadvertently caused the death of millions in your hate for environmentalism.