EP357 #3

Posted under EP357 #3, Story On By Chief

You are Jason, a guy who has been sent to rageaholics anonymous. During the session, the host announces that it's the birthday of one of the people in the session. The entire group starts singing the Happy Birthday song which ticks you off. You start throwing butterballs at everybody.

"Hey guys! I'm not here for your stupid birthday party!" You shout. "I just want to go home."
> You your rage builds as the birthday song begins.
Your anger is building up and you can feel it starting to boil over. You don't care if they're all going to die because you're not getting into their heads.
You pickup a bag of food, that looks like the guy from among us. Someone yells that you can't do that but you don't hear them. Instead, you throw it at the man on stage. That doesn't make him stop; he and everyone else continue to sing.
This makes you more mad and you level up and gain the rage powers: poison blood, red eyes and superhuman strength. With these new powers you clear the crowd with one swing of your bat and sending people flying into nearby tables and chairs.
The people fight back by singing happy birthday louder and louder and becoming more in sync. This drives you insane and you try to claw at your ears in some semblance of relief, but to no avail.
You say, "I don't just hate the Birthday songs, i hate everything to do with Birthdays including Jesuses Birthday, Christmas. also why do Olive Garden not GIVE ME More Breadsticks! HULK smash!"
With that last statement, you grow 8 feet tall and begin jumping around the room destroying things.
That's when you realize the singing has driven you insane and destroyed your life.
The crowd reveals that it is YOUR birthday and reveal cake and presents just for you. Of course, that doesn't make you feel any better.
you try to hulk-sing the birthday song. it fails and they have to cancel the rest of the party for fear you causing more crazy havoc in the restaurant.
"weird happenings are caused by parties in my town."
you order more breadsticks to ease your rage, but the waiter says "you have had enough and you have to leave!"
you hulk out a bit and say "nooooo i am hulkarache and i like that this place have good food."
You storm into the kitchen and start making your own breadsticks.  The Olive Garden employees call in the Italian Special Forces. They quickly subdue you by force-feeding you garlic bread.
But the garlic bread is laced with elephant tranquilizers. You're knocked out cold, and the Olive Garden hoodlums haul you away to their secret underground lab.
you wake up to the feeling of something salty being jammed in your mouth. you realize it's salt and you're in some sort of container. you try to open your eyes but it's too bright so you keep them closed.
you are force-fed the following 10 new Olive Garden menu items: Fusilli Marinara Pesto Creamy Chicken Tetrazzini Suiza Cassole Broccoli Ricotta Gnocci Frutti di Mare Tiramisu With a garlicky twist.
> You begin singing happy birthday to yourself and begin to rage.
you hold in your anger since you know if you let it out, the tubes will be ripped from your body and then you REALLY will go insane.
you spend 4 hours like this.
But you can't take it anymore and rips the tubes from your body to go INSANE!  ALL HAIL THE POWER OF BIRTHDAY CAKES INDEED!
your eyes roll in the back of your head and you begin to foam from the mouth like a dying rabid dog.
The next several months are a blur and you wake up to find yourself strapped to a table in a well light room. A needle pricks your arm and various machines beep around you.
you sit up: "Where am I?".
A man with a dark hood over his head enters the room and says " Welcome to CrazyTown gentlemen. "
He begins to laugh strangely evilly as does 3 gentlemen wearing dutch-opath masks.
You recognize the men as your fellow AIPD cohosts: Tony, Jim, Cory, and Oprah.
You realize that it was all a dream and it was actually there 5th anniversary and you had taken a mad dog supplement prior to the show.
The moral of the story: Listen to your mother and don't take un-prescribed medicine.
Also: Guess which one of us took the pic of the Olive Garden from google images...
Bam! I got you again! I'm That good and YOU just proved it by falling for it! Woot! Woot!