EP357 #2

Posted under EP357 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Tony, AIPD's grammar expert. You are in the Discord call waiting for Jason to go live (it's just you and him tonight). Suddenly, Jason starts having an uncontrollable farting fit. He turns off his camera (but not his mic) and tells you to stall for time. The stream goes live.

"Alright, I'm going to be on now," he says. "I'll try to keep it short."
you start by getting the audience hyped up with some jokes. you start with one about a guy who can't find his keys because they're all over the floor. Then you mention that he has to get them out of the toilet.
> You try telling more jokes to cover the farting sounds.
Thinking fast, you crack a few more jokes for the audience. A simple "why was the banana scared?" gets a fair amount of upvotes. "Knock knock" followed by "Who's there?" gets a few more.
You wait for about ten minutes for him to stop the farting fits. Failing that, you start telling some more knock knock jokes.
You tell your favorite knock knock joke: "Roses are red, Violets are blue. It's a simple knock knock joke, Let me in through this door too."
You say, " Where are Jim and Cory? We really need them." and then reveal your troubled past to the audience.
You tell a joke about an onion: "Why did the boy cry when he cut up the onion?" "It made him weep."
You say, "There once was a man in Nantuckit," thinking no one would get it. Before you can tell the end to the joke, a massive smell fills the office.
You try to pivot to a different joke and say, "Why did the Clown go to dentist school?" You get no answer from the audience. "To learn how to give injections!" you say.
You get a dangerous weather alert on your phone: a bomb cyclone will hit.
The smell gets worse and some in the office faint. Others throw up. You feel sick too and fall out of your chair.
you awaken hours later to the sound of a bomb cyclone tearing through a parking complex nearby. You scramble to get to safety as glass and wood flies all around you. without thinking, you find yourself in the crawlspace of the office.
You realize that you are still on stream and you tell another joke by say, "What do you get when you cross a mobster and a cop? A dead prisoner." You notice a siren outside. "What does a police officer take to get a doughnut?" you say. Someone from down the hall yells that he heard it.
"What kind of party is this?"
You pick up a microphone from the floor and just break into your standup routine for the office. you tell a joke that is a play on the old "shoot all the enemies" video games.
"What did the judge say when the skunk walked into court? Everyone in my court smells terrible! Ha ha!"
> You notice the bomb cyclone laughing at your jokes.
The bomb cyclone rips through the office, destroying papers and equipment. It seems to laugh maniacally as it does so. You duck as the cyclone unleashes another powerful laugh blast at your office door.
you try to suppress the bomb cyclones laughter with the worst joke you can think of: "Why did the bomb explode?" you say. "Because it found out it wasn't a very pretty color."
The bomb stops laughing for a few moments, clearly thinking about your joke.
You use this opportunity to charge the bomb cyclone and kick it right in the testicles. The cyclone doubles over in pain and you punch it hard in the face, sending it flying against a wall.
You turn to some of your fans and say "What do you call kids born in a tornado?" your fans look at you blankly. "tornados?" you say with a wink.
The bomb cyclone, back up again, flies right at you.
You grab a gasoline can, planning to commit arson, but it is sucked up into the bomb cyclone igniting all the bombs simultaneously. you do the only thing you can think of: you throw your phone into the bathroom and shut the door.
The entire office is engulfed in a fiery inferno.
as the fire dissipates you tell your closing joke. "You know what sucks? Fire doesn't :-(" the screen cuts to black.
The moral of the story: Bezier curves are hilarious.