EP355 #4

Posted under EP355 #4, Story On By Chief

You are Mike Vickers.
Coolest kid in the whole town.
Got hit by a bus.
Got shot by a cop.
Got stabbed to death by his sister.
Got killed by an axe-wielding maniac.
You are dead, but you will live on through your music.
E! True Hollywood story does an episode dedicated to your life. You also appear in one of their documentaries about the making of this movie. The documentary is called "The Man Who Loved Music". It's really cool and you even get to meet some people who worked on the film.
you surprise all the people at your funeral by singing your new single as you burst from the coffin.
They play a sample of one of your songs during the Grammy's.
You are made into a character in Guitar Hero. You are able to play as you and even watch a movie of your concerts.
You say, "Jason has decided to use Mike Vickers' music in his AIPD stream despite not paying for royalties." The AIPD have a meeting about this revelation. They find that AIPD has enough money to pay Mike's estate after his death, but the representative from AIPD refuses.
you take AIPD to court and decide to represent yourself. In court you argue that the public needs to pay for music, but after a gruelling battle, you lose when the judge finds that your ideas about music are ludicrous.
you try to change the judge's opinion with a gripping performance of your top song "Bus Magnet" but the judge is not swayed.
Death looms over you throughout the case, but it's ultimately upon you now. Death will always be there and can always be fought back, but today you refuse and accept your fate.
Death takes you to the River Styx and you perform a Styx cover of their famous song:
"Mr. Roboto,
Rah, lay and doe, today it's time to say goodbye,
Mr. Roboto please take me down,
One more time..."
Charon stretches out his hand for payment, but you scramble through your pockets and realize you died a starving, and broke, artist. This upsets you and you ask if it's possible to head to shore.
Charon tosses you into the river Styx when he realizes you can't pay. You are transported through the River Styx to find your final resting place in hell, quite a journey from the river itself.
You meet an evil lawyer along the way who promises to get the rights to your music back. The two of you sing the entirety of Styx's hit record 'Kiss Your Ass Goodbye', but fail to charm the great Satan, who sends you to the fiercest level of hell.
The fiercest level of hell: A level literally designed for you.
You are quartered for your crimes, which are then melted down into a sculpture.
They turn your works into party music and ruin it by making it seem like a joke.
your music lives forever as muzak in elevators and doctor's offices.
> You write a new song for Satan that moves him emotionally.
Ashamed and upset that you were sent to hell for crimes against music, you focus on changing your eternity. You spend your days rocking out to popular music from Earth.
you perform the most popular Earth song for Satan:
"Can't touch this."
This annoys Satan so he sends you to the worst level of hell.
You sit in a chair across from Richard Nixon. You realize everyone is there. If you were able to speak, you would scream.
But that satisfaction is not yours.
Sit and suffer.
your days of listening to Nixons jowly voice begin to bleed together. You go quite mad and begin yelling nonsense at him.
You are sent to the very bottom of hell, where you must calculate the square root of every perfect square that has previously been calculated in the history of mathematics.
You give up on math and shoved a teledildonic Harp up your arse.
you become engorged by anal intruders of all types. You die from a magical poisonous froth spewing out of your ass onto your body.
This is actually what you wanted.
The poisonous froth gets the attention of God himself who appears before you. He enacts an extremely swift judgement, then casts you back to the mortal realm as a boon for doing what he wanted once.
You return as an infant with the capacity of a genius.
The moral of the story: Your talents are only recognized after they're gone, so enjoy them while you still have them.