EP354 #3

Posted under EP354 #3, Story On By Chief

You are Jason of AIPD. It's Meta Monday! You load up the next prompt and it says:

The game is called "Tales from the Crypt" by Howard Carter, a story about an adventurer who embarks on a quest to find his long lost love.
You open the game, and find a strange item inside: 
A silver key.
It looks like you got yourself into a crypt where you have to explore and solve puzzles in order to get out alive. The object of the game is to find your loved one.
You say, "Evening boys and Ghouls. We've got three terrifying tales to chill your bones."
"WOO" They all yell in unison.
Dirty looks from the other villagers pass you by as you enter the dark tavern. You slide into a corner booth and command the trio to find their seats.
One of the trio the Crypt Keeper, a decrepit old corpse of a man, who speaks in a sour tone and loves telling ghoulish tales. Second, is The Ghoul, a middle aged balding man with a wiry frame. Last we have Igor, I mean Johnny.
You say, ""Fuck you bitches, ya'll ain't my true loves" and go outside to see a NASA rocket lands in your backyard. Onboard, it has weapons and food, and two aliens, one blue and one green.  You find yourself aboard the rocket.
Within seconds, shit gets crazy. The G-Forces from Earth's gravity pull a mass amount of blood to your head, and as such you black out for a minute.
When you awaken, you open the door to the rocket and discover you are back in the crypt.  The three is still at the table and the villagers are all passed out drunk in their own booths.
You say, "This seems a bit wrong."
The Crypt Keeper shifts in his seat.
You sit back and as the Crypt Keeper why he has summoned you.
He says, "Somebody has murdered the Count. Also, you are the prime suspect."
You scoff and peel back the tape revealing a shotgun and a revolver, both of which are common technology in this age.
> You ask the blue alien and the green alien to help you find the real killer.
You tell the blue and green alien to turn to page 54.
They open the book and smile when they see the next lie they have to tell.
They say, "Now nobody get the wrong idea, but-"
"Damn right." You cut the Ghoul off.
He sighs and says, "There's no tracks, hickory-jack."
You tilt your head as you to say, "What?"
Johnny looks at you and says,
"I think that Cory's the killer. That would explain why he hasn't been on AIPD recently. "
You are taken aback. It's been two days and the police have no leads? This is terrible.
You agree. He says, "Jabberwocky, let's go."
> You follow him.
You follow the coffin out the door. You walk behind it as you head down the road to the Church. The rain has stopped and dawn is starting to set.
You can't believe your eyes when you see the murder scene.
A ex-police officer lays face down on the grass. Nails have been driven into his hands and feet as well as a two by four into his mouth.
The green alien says, "Shit just got real."
"What should we do...?"
Dumb question, right? But the Ghoul starts talking. He gives options and even though I barely know them I trust their judgment. Obviously, we eliminate suspects.
You team up with the green alien and start killing suspects. When a victim is found dead, you team up and eliminate suspects. After the investigations are done, one suspect remains:
You break into Mark's apartment and see he has the Crypt Keeper hostage. After a series of talking, it's all over.
We did it. It's all over.
You realize that everyone is in danger so you pull out your trump card that you learned earlier from watching daytime tv.  You exclaim, "Cory Jeldman and everyone drops their weapons and begins to orgasm.
"Fuck this!" The captain screams and snaps someone's neck.
The killing spree begins as you lose control of your emotions and murder a police officer.
"Johnny.... Let's get the fuck outta-" He shoots you and flees into the night as the green alien dies.
When the police arrive, they arrest you for murder. You are taken to an interrogation room where you are beaten without mercy.
The critics had this to say about the story:
"This was the worst Ludicms ever! I demand a refund." ~Penutbutter
The moral of the story: Never have fun.