EP353 #4

Posted under EP353 #4, Story On By Chief

You are Sanstar, with the help of Jimenez you have managed to capture one of Reindrob's followers. After threatening him, Jimenez manages to make him reveal the hiding place of the other followers: The island of the lost in the eastern sea. There, a ritual is being performed to awaken an ancient being, a primordial entity from another plane.

The creature will be able to destroy this world and bring about the end of days if it isn't stopped!
> You prepare to set out to the island of the lost. You tell Jimenez, "Guys, there's no need for any rituals. Let's calm down and watch AIPD. Tony's soothing voice will calm you down."
After watching the movie, you go back to your room and fall asleep.
> You hear a rumbling outside and see a primordial being walking towards you.
You feel a rush of fear and terror, like nothing you've felt before as you see the giant alien monster before you, with tentacles and horrible claws. You glance at your phone, only to see "AIPD" flash repeatedly on the screen. In a panic, you look out the window and see dozens of demonic creatures crawling out of the Hellgate.
You frantically answer the phone and talk to the head of AIPD, Jason. Sure enough, he exploits your fears, telling you about the horrors that will soon engulf the world.
"You're doomed to an eternity in Hell," he laughs.
> You add Jason to your blocked callers list and report spam.
A week passes and it seems like everyday the world gets a little bit closer to the apocalypse.
You run into Doom Guy Fieri at the Hell Mart and he tells you, "I'm gonna take you to Flavor Hell!"
Does this phrase mean the end of days?
They've added a new topping to all the food products in this aisle.
This button will let you hear voices from beyond.
Using your newfound psychic powers, you add Callum to your phone's blocked list.
> You push the button.
Beep! Your phone lets out a quick buzzing noise as it connects to Hell's servers. Unfortunately, you are immediately bombarded by thousands of messages from fraudulent call centers in India and are quickly put on hold.
You know the one person that can help you defeat these call center demons: Kitboga. He'll listen to you. He has to.
You call him up immediately, swiftly navigating your way through telephone menus until you hear his voice on the line. "Hello?" he asks.
You say, "Kitboga, we need Tony. He's Jason's adopted son. Only he has the power to save us!"
"From what?" Kitboga asks, but you've already hung up.
You have a plan to stop the demons from taking over.
Doom Guy Fieri finds you and points.  You see the person who's been calling about your phones extended warranty walk towards you. He is no longer asking. He is coming to take you to Flavor Hell.
You run for the exit.
The Man With The Upside-Down Face chases after you.
> You are dragged into Flavor Hell!
Master Tong Ng looks at you as you are dragged by a group of his elite flavor demons into his office.
You demand to know why Master Tong Ng has dragged you here. He gives you no answer, but instead stares at you disapprovingly.
He feeds you several dishes of hell food, which causes an incredible pain in your mouth, an unbearable burning sensation, and a throbbing headache. You try not to let the pain show on your face.
You read the Flavor Hell menu to figure out what you just ate.  You see a list of hellish dishes: 1. Bullshit stew 2. More bullshit stew 3. Even more bullshit stew 4. Soul of the chef's brother
You eat the first one, and it turns out to be delicious.
You are suddenly taken over by the Soul of the chef's brother who introduces you to Chef Stew. "Hey!" you say as the flavor demon grabs a cleaver and slices open your throat. Your blood pours out into a frying pan where it is quickly cooked into a bloody steak and served to a customer.
> You beg Chef Stew to turn the customer into a stew.
The customer is dragged into the kitchen by his ear. He soon finds himself in front of a plate of Bullshit Stew. "I demand to see Master Tong Ng!" the customer yells, shaking a fist at you.
Master Tong Ng bursts into the kitchen and says, "You're in my kitchen now!" He flips the customer over his shoulder and carries him out of the kitchen. He soon appears at your side, laughing. "Now, what are we going to do to this asshole?
> You activate the moonstone.
You don't have the moonstone! Kitboga took it off of you when you were in his headquarters.
Master Tong Ng says, "Let's get this asshole to a pot and cook him."
The moral of the bonus story: Always listen to the cautionary tale at the end of a horror movie.