EP353 #3

Posted under EP353 #3, Story On By Chief

You are Old Snickers Mcloving, the cupid of the AIPD multiverse. You spend your days traveling from place to place shooting people with a pink sniper rifle that makes them MEGA horny. There's no real rhyme or reason behind who you shoot, you just kind of shoot whoever and see what happens because its funny. You're perched up on top of a skyscraper, sitting in a reclining plastic lawn chair and sipping a bright blue fruity drink through a crazy straw when you see your next target: a young man walking down the street.
You shoot the man square in the ass and the next person he sees he falls in love with.  That person? YOU! He runs over to you, kisses you passionately and then proceeds to rip your clothes off. He crawls into bed with you and after some passionate sex, they both fall asleep.
> You wonder if the love between you two is real or not.
You lie in bed thinking that this all might be too good to be true: a handsome abusive man who loves you despite (or because of) his violent ways?
The man starts getting physical with you, and you beat his ass. You shoot him in the dick, break his nose and stomp him into the floor. Even after you've beaten him within an inch of his life he still manages to roll over and slip a ring onto your finger.
You cry and say yes.  You are married the next day.
"Lights, wedding!"
For your honeymoon, you travel around the country fighting one another in front of packed crowds.  Your careers take off and the money keeps rolling in. After a few years of marriage you give birth to twins: a boy and a girl. They grow up funny, outgoing and happy... and still do to this day.
You live happily every after... or whatever it is you want to call it.
One day, a crate full of arrows made by Hawkeye actor Jeremy Renner shows up at your door. Your husband finds out you are cupid, and he is not happy about it.  He claims should never had married a fat, disgusting human, not even if she did give him beautiful twins. You feel horrible, but his abuse has been increasing over the past few years.
You file for divorce. Heartbroken and scared of being alone in this big scary world, you get back on the singles wagon.
> You shoot yourself with the love rifle that makes you MEGA horny.
You begin thinking you have no idea what you're doing and the idea just kind of makes you laugh. You shoot yourself in the ass, and decide to head out for a new adventure.
The moral of the story: don't shoot yourself with a love gun until you're damn sure you know what the hell you're doing.